


O Come All Ye Faithful

by caseymac42



Category: Emergency!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-09-07 14:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caseymac42/pseuds/caseymac42
Summary: The Christmas season proves to be a very difficult time for Johnny.





	1. Chapter 1

O Come All Ye Faithful

Chapter 1

 

It had been a difficult past few weeks for Johnny. His parents had been killed in a car accident in Montana, and his beloved Aunt Rosa had passed away from complications stemming from a severe attack of pneumonia, only a couple weeks before his parents’ accident. Though Johnny had somehow made it through the Thanksgiving holiday, Christmas would prove to be a more difficult task for him.

As the current shift was about to get underway, it was two days before Christmas. Johnny’s mood continued to be a somber one, and though his friends understood why he had been so down, they were starting to get depressed themselves, from being around him on every shift.

“Roy…no offense, but you gotta do something about your partner. Another shift of Mr. No Personality…and I’m gonna really lose it. I mean, these days even Brice has more spirit than Gage.”

Looking up from tying his boots, Roy sighed softly. While he understood where Chet was coming from, it sure wasn’t a conversation that he wanted to have with Johnny.  
“Chet…I know Johnny hasn’t been a barrel of laughs lately…”

“Lately? Roy, it’s been almost two months. I get that he’s still in mourning, but…”

Entering the locker room, Hank heard Chet’s last comment.  
“Kelly…that’s enough. Give the guy a break. He’s going through a rough time right now…and with Christmas coming up in two days… So yes, he is still in mourning. Do yourself a favor…and me, too…if you have nothing nice to say to him…then just keep your mouth shut. So right now, this subject is closed…and there are NO buts. Everyone understand me?”

Looking around at everyone, Hank knew that he had their cooperation.  
“Roll call in ten minutes.”

After saying his piece, Hank left the room. Almost immediately, Johnny came in.

Not wanting to get in trouble, Chet closed his locker and joined his captain out in the squad room.

Mike cheerfully greeted his friend.  
“Hey Johnny.”  
“Hey Mike,” he replied with a sigh. “And good mornin’ to you too, Marco.”

Without saying anything else, Johnny turned and opened his locker to put his duffel bag and jacket inside. He was already dressed in uniform.

Giving Roy a look, Marco and Mike left the room.

“How’s it going, partner?” Roy knew it was a dumb question, but he needed an ice breaker.

“Okay I guess. I know everyone thinks I’m being a downer, and I am sorry that I am, but…”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, Johnny. For what you’ve been through…you’re entitled to feel that way.”

“Well, I might be entitled to feel that way, but it doesn’t mean that I have to bring all you guys down with me.”

As he was listening to his partner talk, Roy wondered if he had overheard Chet’s comment.   
“Johnny…you didn’t happen to overhear a certain someone talking in here, did you?”

“No, but I can just imagine what was being said. Chet, right? Never mind, don’t answer that.”

Johnny knew that despite his often adversarial relationship with Chet that the other man was always there for him when the chips were down, but it was clear to him that Chet’s patience had apparently worn out where Johnny was concerned, and he knew that. He couldn’t blame the guy.

Once he was done tying his laces, Roy stood up.  
“You are still planning on spending Christmas with me, Joanne, and the kids, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know, Roy. I haven’t even bought any presents. The kids would be disappointed. I should probably just stay home this year…I’d only drag your whole family down.”

“Johnny…”

“Forget about it…I really don’t even feel like talking about it. In fact, let’s just forget it’s even Christmas.”  
With that last comment, Johnny closed his locker door, turned, and left the room.

Closing his own locker, Roy followed his partner out to join the others, who were lined up for roll call in the engine bay.

“Good morning, John.”

“Mornin’, Cap,” Johnny replied tonelessly.

Hearing the lifeless tone to the junior paramedic’s voice, Hank’s heart continued to go out to him.  
“Well, let’s get started. Stoker…Lopez…Kelly…DeSoto…Gage, guess we’re all here. I have a few announcements. The first announcement…anyone who is interested in overtime, let me know. There are a few openings for the next shift.”

Immediately, everyone assumed for some reason that Johnny would be volunteering for some overtime, and were surprised when he didn’t. The truth was that he wanted to spend the Christmas holiday by himself, and certainly not on duty.  
Continuing on with the announcements, Hank then handed out the morning chores. Johnny had the latrines, thankful for the opportunity to be alone.

“Okay, fellas…have a great day.”

The two paramedics walked over to the squad and started to pull out their equipment to check their supplies and such.  
As Johnny went through the drug box, Roy was checking out their trauma box.

Standing by his office door, Hank observed his two paramedics. He could see how much Johnny was struggling, and how much Roy was trying to be patient and be there for his partner, but was seemingly waging a losing battle.

After finishing his cup of coffee, Mike came out to work on the engine.  
“Marco said he’s making his Christmas tacos for lunch today…should be good.”

Looking up at the engineer, Roy was a little curious as to what Christmas tacos were.  
“Mike, what are Christmas tacos? I mean, what makes them different from Marco’s regular tacos?”

“Not really sure, Roy…Marco said it was a surprise. But we all know, if there is one person around here that we can trust not to poison us…it’s Marco.”

Even that little comment earned a little smile from Johnny.  
“Guess we should be glad that Chet’s not cooking.”

Mike and Roy both looked at each other surprised that Johnny had actually reacted with a smile, and a witty comeback.  
Closing up the drug box, Johnny stood up, and replaced it back into the squad compartment.  
“How are your folks, Mike? Will they be here for Christmas?”

Both Mike and Roy were surprised that Johnny had asked about Mike’s parents, especially given the current circumstances of his personal life.

“Yeah, they’ll be here. I’m picking them up at the airport. They’re flying in from Florida tomorrow.”

“Good. Please tell them that I said hello.”

“I will. Hey, if you get the chance, why don’t you stop by my place over the weekend? My folks will be there…the whole gang, really…my two brothers, their families, and my sister. I mean, I’m sure you’ll be spending most of the holiday with Roy…”

Johnny smiled appreciatively at the engineer.  
“Thanks for the offer, Mike…but I plan on spending this holiday by myself. Roy, if you don’t mind finishing up out here, I’m going to go start on the latrines.”

“Sure, Johnny…go ahead,” answered Roy with a small nod.

Watching as their friend walked off, Roy and Mike wondered what else could possibly be done to help their friend out of his depression.

“Nice try, Mike. I think Johnny appreciated you inviting him to join you guys.”

“I guess. He’s not spending the weekend with you and Joanne?”

Roy shrugged. “Not really sure. I asked him about it inside. He said that he didn’t think he would be…that he didn’t even have presents for the kids.”

“They wouldn’t care, Roy…would they?”

“Of course not. In their eyes, Johnny can do no wrong. The most important thing to them is just to have him there. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I tried to talk to him…I even spoke to Brackett and Early for advice.”

“What did they say?” the engineer asked curiously.

“Just to keep giving him space. Brackett says to keep an eye on him to make sure that his job performance is okay…and it has been, so I don’t really know. The next step is to get him to talk to a counselor or something…maybe the Department chaplain could help him.”

“That’s a good idea, Roy. I know when I had some things on my mind a few years back, I spoke to him.”

“Did it help?”

“Yeah, it did. Captain Shaw his name is. If I’m not mistaken, he’s a good friend of Captain Stanley’s. Well, we better get to work. If I come up with any other ideas, I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks,” acknowledged the senior paramedic with a small smile.

While cleaning the squad room, Marco was whistling some Christmas carols. The sound of his whistling was drifting into the locker room, where Johnny was cleaning. Hearing the melody that Marco was currently whistling, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”, Johnny nearly lost it. Up until a couple months before, when his parents had died in the accident, Johnny was planning on flying up to Montana for the holidays. He had saved some time, and had been in the process of making the arrangements, when he had gotten the tragic news of their deaths, a few days later.

Trying hard to put everything out of his mind, he instead focused on cleaning the sinks and shower.

Before tackling the dorms, Chet went to the locker room to get something out of his locker. When he entered the room, he saw the sad expression on Johnny’s face, as he was cleaning the sinks. He immediately felt like a heel for saying what he said that morning about the paramedic being such a downer. It occurred to him that he’d probably be acting the same way, in the same situation.

“Johnny…”

Lifting his head up, Johnny acknowledged his friend.  
“Yeah, Chet?”

“I…I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you…you know if you ever need an ear or anything. And also, if you get the chance to stop by my folks’ house this weekend…the whole Kelly clan will be there. And I’m even making my famous chili casserole…Mom said it would be okay this year.”

Giving the other man a weak mile, Johnny nodded his head. “Thanks, Chet…I appreciate that, and the invite too, but I think I’ll be flying solo this year.”

In the middle of their exchange, the alarms went off, calling the station to a car over the side of a canyon road.

Running to the squad, Johnny got his game face on. Despite the way he had felt on the inside during these last several weeks, he was never less than professional on rescues and calls.  
Pulling out of the station, the location of this rescue wasn’t lost on either paramedic…it was practically the same location that Johnny had gotten bit by the rattlesnake a few years earlier. However, putting it out of both of their minds, they knew they had a job to do.

Driving the meandering canyon road, the squad led the engine to their destination, some thirty minutes from the station.

Meeting both vehicles at their destination was Johnny’s police friend, Murphy Greenbush. He like Roy, and the rest of Johnny’s friends had tried desperately to help the depressed man, but had no success. Every time he saw Johnny, he was shocked by how sad his friend’s expression was, but he was also impressed with Johnny’s ability to focus on his job, and do what needed to be done at any given point in time.

“Murph, what do we have?” Hank asked the officer, as he recognized the other man’s tall frame, and signature sunglasses.

“One car over the side of the road… wasn’t going too fast, but must have blown a tire or something. There have been reports of teenagers speeding on this road…I happened to be checking things out when I saw the car lose control and go over the edge…went over about here,” Murphy stated, as he motioned to the side of the dirt road. The shrubs that had been at that very spot had been torn away at the roots, and lay helter-skelter at the side of the dirt road.

Looking down at where Murphy was motioning, Hank and his crew, especially the two medics, tried to see where the car was. Unable to actually see the car, they decided to rely solely on the officer’s account.

Nodding his head, Hank gave directions to his crew.  
Within minutes, Johnny and Roy were harnessed and on their way down to the car.

When they got to the downed vehicle, they heard loud moans and groans.

“Hey there…help is here…relax,” soothed Johnny.

When they peered into the car, a blue two-door vehicle, they saw a male, about 25 years of age, slumped over to the right, and bleeding from various cuts on his face.

Going around to the passenger side door, Johnny continued to make conversation, to try to keep their victim calm and awake.  
“We’re from the fire department…paramedics. My name is John Gage, and my partner on the other side of you is Roy DeSoto…just try to relax…we’re going to help you.”

Opening the severely dented door, Johnny was actually surprised that it was able to open.

While Johnny climbed inside, Roy tried to open the driver’s side door.  
“This side is jammed, Johnny,” Roy replied, frustrated at his inability to get it opened.

“That’s okay…I think we can get him out from this side. Can you tell me your name?” He asked the young man.

First met by more groans, their victim breathlessly answered.  
“Doug…Doug McKenzie. Can you get me outta here…hurts…”

“I’m sure it does. Can you tell me what it is that hurts you?”

Slowly, Doug was able to share the requested information.

“Okay…take it easy…my partner and I are gonna get you outta here real soon. Try to take some slow deep breaths.”

On the radio, Roy called up to the engine for a backboard, stokes, and splints. He also requested a helicopter for their victim, as a trip to the hospital by ground would take over a half hour…and their victim’s injuries were potentially life threatening.

Retrieving the requested items from the squad, Marco and Chet were sent down to where Roy and Johnny were waiting with their victim.

In a matter of minutes, Doug was out of the car, on a backboard and in the stokes. After having made contact with Rampart, the treatment orders were then followed. Once the IV was started, and safely tucked away beneath the yellow blanket covering their victim, the four firefighters picked up the stokes, and carefully started their ascent up the steep incline, so as not to jostle any of Doug’s injuries.

Radioing his captain, Roy informed him that they were now on their way up. Making sure that HE had the radio, so as not to tempt fate with Johnny having to return to look for it, Roy carefully wrapped the radio handle around his wrist.

The copter had made good time, and was landed in a clearing only 35 yards away from where the two emergency vehicles were parked. After carrying the stokes topside, they made their way to the copter where their victim was lifted up, and inside.  
Handing his partner the equipment, Johnny turned around and followed Marco and Chet back to where the squad and engine were parked.

Once the helicopter had safely taken off, Hank made the engine available.  
“Engine 51 available.” After replacing the radio mike, he turned to Murphy. “Thanks for your help, Murph.”

“No problem, Captain Stanley. Take care,” he responded with a smile.

“John…we’ll meet you and Roy back at the station.”

“Yeah…see ya in a bit, Cap.”

Getting into his seat behind the wheel, Mike backed the big engine up, and then started their return to the station. 

While Johnny was putting away the remaining equipment, Murphy stood to the side observing his friend.

Feeling the other man’s eyes burning a hole in his back, Johnny turned around.  
“Is there something I can do for you, Murphy?”

“Not for me…but perhaps for yourself.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he snapped.

“Johnny…”

Raising his hand to stop his good friend, Johnny wanted no part of the lecture that he knew was coming.  
“Save it, Murph…not interested in hearing it. Everyone is giving me advice…trying to tell me what’s best for me. I know John Gage better than anyone…and I know what’s best for me…so really, there’s nothing else to say now, is there?”

“Everyone is just trying to help, Johnny. Can we all help it if we care about you?”

“Well, I guess that’s everyone’s cross to bear, isn’t it?”

Without saying another word, Johnny closed the compartment door with a loud thud, turned and walked around to the driver’s side door. Once inside he got on the radio mike.  
“LA, Squad 51 10-8 to Rampart General Hospital on follow up. ETA is 35 minutes.”

“Ten-four, 51.”

Without giving Murphy another look or thought, Johnny backed up the squad, and made his way to the hospital.

After a quick helicopter ride, Roy and his victim were at the hospital. Helping Doctor Early and Dixie get Doug settled in the treatment room, he then made his way out to the base station, where he had hoped to meet up with Doctor Brackett.

Not disappointing the paramedic, that’s where the aforementioned doctor indeed was.  
“Doc…you got a few minutes?” Roy asked hopefully.

Looking up with some concern, he was almost sure what the subject of conversation would be about.  
“Sure…come on to my office. Mike, I’ll be in my office.”

“No problem, Kel. Things seem pretty quiet right now…if anything comes up, I’ll call you.”

Turning around, Brackett motioned to Roy.  
“Shall we?”

Following the doctor, the paramedic walked to his office.  
“Please, have a seat.” Brackett motioned to one of the chairs in front of his big oak desk. Once Roy sat down, Kel joined him, leaning on the front of his desk.  
“What can I do for you, Roy?”

“Well…it’s not really what you can do for me…it’s what you can do for my partner.”

“Johnny? I figured as much.”

“Yeah. I need some advice. Things haven’t gotten any better where his mood is concerned. I’ve given him lots of space…I’ve tried talking to him…nothing seems to work.”

“How long has it been?” Kel asked his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Almost two months…his aunt passed away the beginning of October. His parents had their car accident a couple weeks later. I know it’s not unusual for someone to be depressed after something like that, but it’s really starting to take a toll on the morale at the station, not to mention dampening everyone’s holiday spirit. We almost had a big blow up at the station this morning.”

“What happened?” the doctor asked, almost afraid to hear what the medic would have to say.

“Chet Kelly. He said what was pretty much on everyone’s mind. I know he didn’t mean to come off sounding so uncaring or insensitive, but he did.”

“What did he say?”

“He asked me if I could do something about Johnny…that he’s bringing everyone down. Then Captain Stanley came into the room…Johnny followed him a few moments later. He said something that made it seem like he had heard us talking. That’s the last thing that he needs…to think we don’t care.”

“No, that’s for sure. What exactly does he say when you ask him about things?”

“He apologizes for being such a downer, and tells me that eventually he’ll come to terms with things. I just don’t think we can all wait that long,” Roy said with a sigh.

“But he continues to do fine out in the field?”

“Yes…never anything less than professional. Like now, with the victim we just brought in…he was very focused and thorough. He does his job, Doc…it’s just…well, everywhere else.”

Taking a few moments to think, Kel came up with a possible suggestion.  
“Maybe an appointment with a professional is in order.”

“You really think that Johnny will go for something like that?” Roy asked skeptically.

“Probably not,” Brackett replied with a knowing sigh.

“There was one idea that Mike Stoker had come up with this morning.”

“What was that? At this point, we have nothing to lose where Johnny ‘s depression is concerned.”

“Well, he mentioned something about having Johnny talk to the Department chaplain. His name is Captain Shaw. Apparently he’s an old friend of Captain Stanley’s.”

“That sounds like a good idea, Roy. How do you plan on getting Johnny to talk to him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe when we get back, I can ask Captain Stanley to put in a call…maybe Captain Shaw can even come to the station in a very unassuming manner.”

The doctor smiled. “Sounds like you may have come up with a solution to this, yourself.”

“Maybe I did. Thanks for listening, Doctor Brackett.”

While Roy was inside Brackett’s office talking to him, Johnny had arrived and was in the process of getting “poked and prodded” by Dixie.

Smiling at the paramedic, she simply could not get over his lifeless body language. He looked simply defeated. He seemed tired, and was starting to look a bit pale…the old Gage spark that was always so prevalent, at least up until two months ago, long gone.  
“How’s it going, Johnny?”

“I don’t know, Dix. Let’s just say that it’s going. There are a few things that we need…another IV…” Johnny said, deliberately trying to change the subject.

“Sure.”

Turning around, the head nurse reached into the various glass cabinets behind the nurses’ desk, to get the requested supplies.  
“Here you go.” While handing him the requested items, Dixie nonchalantly asked him about his holiday plans. “What are your plans for the weekend? Spending them with Roy and his family?”

“No,” came the lifeless reply. “I have no plans…wouldn’t want to bring anyone down.”

Hearing Johnny’s last comment, as he was coming up to the base station, Roy inwardly cringed. Those were the very words that Chet had used earlier that morning.

“Hey there, partner…you’re back.”

“It would appear so. How’s Doug doing?”

“You mean the fellow that you just brought in?” Dixie asked.

“Yeah. Is he going to be okay?”

“Should be. He doesn’t seem to be in any imminent danger. Doctor Early is waiting for the x-rays to come back.”

Hearing the beep of the base station radio, Dixie excused herself.  
“I’ll see you guys later.”

Making their way out to the squad, both men were very quiet, although Johnny had one question on his mind.

As soon as both paramedics were sitting in the squad, and the doors were closed, Johnny looked questioningly over at his partner.  
“So…where were you coming from just now?”

“Huh?” Roy answered, caught off guard with Johnny’s line of questioning.

“Where were you coming from? Surely you were coming from SOMEWHERE.”

Sighing in resignation, Roy knew that he had to tell his partner the truth…that he owed it to him.  
“I was talking to Doctor Brackett.”

“About me, no doubt.”

When a response didn’t come quickly, Johnny continued to sit and look over at the other man, who sat with his hands on the steering wheel.

“Yes…it was about you. I’m sorry that I went behind your back, but I just don’t know how to help you, Johnny.”

“Who asked for your help?” answered a soft voice. “I’m handling things on my own…it may not seem like it to you, but I am. I’ve told you on several occasions, Roy that time will heal me. When I am good and ready, I’ll come to terms with my losses, but right now it still hurts too much.”

“I’m not questioning that. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how awful all of this has been for you. I know I would probably be reacting the same way if anything happened to Joanne or the kids. I just wish you’d let us be there for you…especially for the holidays.”

“I know you do…and believe me, I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know. I just…I can’t be with anyone right now. It’s my first Christmas without any family. There are things that I never told you about…like my younger sister Jessie. She died from leukemia when she was only eight…health care on the reservation back in Montana wasn’t exactly the greatest. And my older brother Aaron…he never made it home from Vietnam. Once I lost my aunt and my parents…I suddenly found myself alone…I have no one, Roy.”

“But that’s just it, Johnny…you’re not alone…you have all of us…me, Joanne, the kids…and all the guys.”

“Yeah…but no FAMILY. Never mind…you don’t get it. Let’s just drop it.” And just like that, the door that had been opened ajar slammed shut with a loud bang, and the conversation ended.

Knowing that they needed to update dispatch on their status, it was Roy who reached down for the radio mike.  
“Squad 51 available…returning to quarters.”

“Ten-four, 51.”

As Roy pulled out of their parking spot, he stole a quick glance over at his partner.  
Johnny sat looking out his window…the body language which had just shown a glimmer of life, was now once again lifeless.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
Having returned to the station ahead of the squad, the engine crew resumed their morning chores, but not without taking a moment to comment about the déjà vu from the recent rescue.

“Man, when I heard the location of this first call…and what the rescue was, I had chills up and down my spine.”

Nodding his head, Marco had a serious look on his face.  
“You ain’t kidding, Chet.”

“The thought did cross my mind, too. I remember that day as if it had been yesterday. As Mike drove the engine down the road, constantly turning around to see how Johnny was doing. When he mentioned that he was starting to feel drowsy…I really thought we had lost him,” commented Hank.

“I wonder if Johnny was even thinking about that during the rescue…or if he had his mind on other things that prevented him from remembering that?”

“Oh, I’m sure he thought about that at some point, Chet…I just think that he was more focused on what needed to be done.”

Hank knew that no matter what was on his junior paramedic’s mind, that he was professional enough to not let it affect his job performance, and over the previous two months, it hadn’t.

“Okay gang…let’s get back to work…the chores aren’t going to get done on their own.”

As the men dispersed to their assigned cleaning areas, Hank headed off to his office to work on some reports. However, hearing the bay doors go up, he knew that the squad had returned, and was anxious to see if Johnny’s mood had gotten any better. He had his answer quickly…getting out of the vehicle before it had completely stopped, was Johnny.

Not saying anything to either his partner or his captain, Johnny quickly and quietly returned to the locker room to resume his cleaning.

Walking over to the driver’s side of the squad, Hank greeted his senior medic with a concerned look.  
“What’s that about, Roy?”

Sighing loudly, Roy reached down to turn off the ignition.  
“Not quite sure…a combination of things, I guess. I spoke to Doctor Brackett for one…”

“About Johnny?”

“Yeah…and that reminds me, Cap…you think you can give your friend Captain Shaw a call to come over to the station today? Mike and I were talking earlier, it was actually his idea…and Brackett thought it was a good idea, too.”

“Sure…I’ll see what I can do. What’s the rest of it?”

“Actually, Johnny had started to open up…then I guess I had apparently said the wrong thing, and BAM…the conversation was over.”

“What did you say?” Hank wondered out loud.

“I feel funny talking about it, Cap...this is something that really needs to come from Johnny himself…not me.”

“Well okay, but if it was something that can help to shed a bit of light on what’s going on with your partner…”

Shaking his head, Roy sighed loudly. “No…it really needs to come from him…it’s rather private…something that even I had no idea about.”

Opening his door, Roy got out.

Back in the locker room, Johnny resumed his cleaning. Having moved from the sinks to the shower, he may have been physically there, but his mind was a thousand miles away…back in Montana to be exact. Thinking about the song that Marco had been whistling earlier, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”, Johnny wished that this had all been just a bad dream, and that he was indeed getting ready to go to his parents’ ranch for the holidays.

After getting a cup of coffee, Hank returned to his office to place the requested phone call to Chaplain Shaw.  
Dialing the number, he waited to hear his friend’s familiar voice.

“Good morning, Chaplain Shaw here,” greeted the warm voice.

“Hi there, Steve…it’s Hank Stanley.”

“Hank...how are you doing?” The chaplain replied with a smile in his voice.

“I’m doing pretty good…gearing up for the holiday. You?”

“Busy time of year, as always. It seems that more guys are having a tough go of it this holiday…more than usual…or so it seems. What can I do for you…everything okay?”

“Well…not exactly. One of my men is going through a really rough time right now…actually it’s been the last two months. He lost his folks in a car accident, and that was preceded by the death of his aunt.”

“Sorry to hear that, Hank. What’s his name?”

“John Gage…one of my paramedics. He’s got a big heart…and really takes things hard. These three deaths have really thrown him for a loop.”

“That’s certainly not surprising. I’m free this afternoon. I could probably swing by the station around two o’clock or so…and I promise not to be too obvious. I can just say that I’m making my rounds to see how everyone was doing.”

“Sounds like a plan. I appreciate this.”

“No problem, Hank…anything for a friend. After all, I know the whole story behind the reason why you burnt McConnike’s hat.”

Laughing into the phone, Hank replied, “And it’s going with you to your grave, right?”

“Well…for the time being it’s just between me and the good Lord. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Getting off the phone, Hank was relieved that reinforcement was coming. He was starting to really worry about Johnny.

In the squad room, Marco was finishing up his cleaning, so he could start on his Christmas tacos.  
As he started to mop the floor, he was whistling another Christmas song, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

In the locker room, Johnny was able to hear his friend’s loud whistling. This particular song had been one of his Aunt Rosa’s favorites, and made him think about her, and how she was no longer with him. Rosa was a very kind and generous woman. She was very petite, with delicate features…black hair, and beautiful green eyes. When Johnny was 15 years old, he had left Montana with his parents’ blessings. Taking him in and welcoming him with open arms, Rosa was his anchor while he was trying to adjust to life in Los Angeles, going to high school, and trying to decide what he had wanted to do with his life. It was actually his aunt who had suggested that he try to become a firefighter. She knew that her nephew had the right spirit and temperament to do the job, and would relish the idea of helping others. He owed his livelihood to his aunt.

Sighing softly, he wiped a tear as it had fallen down his cheek, and continued scrubbing away at the tile on the shower stall.

After changing the linen on all the beds, cleaning the floor, and dusting, Chet was finished in the dorms, and headed out to check on Marco’s progress…he was hungry, and was really looking forward to his good friend’s cooking.  
“Marco…” Chet called out.

Looking up from his mopping, Marco acknowledged Chet.  
“Hey…what’s up?”

“Well…I was just wondering how long before you started lunch preparations? I’m starving.”

“As soon as I am done mopping, Chet. I can’t very well be cooking while walking on a wet floor, now can I?”

“Marco…you’re a magician…you can do anything. I bet you could probably walk on water.”

Sighing with a bit of exasperation, Marco shook his head.  
“Patience is a virtue, amigo. If you really want to be helpful…then go bother someone else so I can finish this.”


	2. chapter 2

Without giving Chet another chance to make any other comments, Marco continued to mop.

Working outside together, Mike and Roy were working on hanging some of the hoses.  
“Did you get a chance to talk to Captain Stanley about what we had talked about before?”

Sending another hose up to the engineer who was standing on top of the hose tower, Roy nodded his head.  
“Yeah, I did. Hopefully his friend will be able to make it over sometime today…Johnny needs to talk to someone in the worst way…though he doesn’t quite agree with that assessment.”

“I overheard you and Captain Stanley talking before. You mentioned something about Johnny having started to open up to you?”

“Yeah, he actually was starting to…then just like that…the door slammed shut. I can’t really talk about it with you, Mike…it’s kind of private.”

Understanding what Roy was trying to say, the tall engineer nodded his head.  
“I get it, Roy…I just wish there was something we could do for him.”

“Short of bringing his parents and his aunt back to life…I don’t think there is, right now.”

It had remained a fairly quiet morning. Once everyone was done with their chore assignments, they were all gathered in the squad room…that is, everyone but Johnny, he was out back, cleaning his Rover.

Looking up from his newspaper, Hank breathed in the delicious aroma of Marco’s cooking.  
“Smells scrumptious, Marco. I just gotta ask though…what makes these Christmas tacos, rather than just regular tacos?”

“Sorry, Cap…I can’t divulge my secret,” the cook replied with a grin.

Leaning on the counter, trying to sneak a quick taste of the aromatic ground beef that was cooking in the frying pan, Chet asked about their missing sixth.  
“Where is Johnny? Doesn’t he know that lunch will be done soon?”

“He’s out back. I’ll go and tell him to come in,” replied Roy.

Getting up from his seat on the couch, Mike looked over at the senior medic.  
“Roy…let me go tell him.”

“Yeah…sure.”

Walking out back, Mike spotted Johnny standing over the open hood of his Rover’s engine.  
“Hey there.”

Turning around, Johnny eyed the engineer warily. It was actually a relief to him that it wasn’t his partner who had come out to find him.  
“Hey.” Wiping his hands on a rag, the paramedic looked down at an imaginary spot on the concrete ground. “You lost?”

Smiling at his friend, Mike shook his head. “No, not lost. I came out here to tell you that lunch is almost ready. We’re all chomping at the bit to eat. How about you…hungry?”

Sighing loudly, Johnny shook his head. “No, not particularly. You guys go eat…enjoy. I’m going to finish up out here.”

“You’re sure?” he asked, hopeful that the other man would change his mind and agree to come in with him.

“Yeah, I’m sure. But if you do figure out what makes these tacos, Christmas tacos…let me know,” Johnny added with a small smile.

“I will…but if you change your mind…”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Mike. You’re a good friend. I hope you have a great weekend with your family. Promise me that you’ll remember every minute you spend with them…it can all be taken away from you in a heartbeat.”

Mike didn’t need any reminders of that. In his job every day, he saw many reminders of that.  
“No need to worry, Johnny…I fully intend to. And by the way, the invitation still stands.”

Patting his friend on the shoulder, Mike returned inside, just as the tones sounded.  
“Squad 51…man down…2314 Tremont Street…2314 Tremont Street…”

Hank went to the radio. “Squad 51 responding…KMG-365…”

As Roy got into the squad, Chet called out. “We’ll try to save you guys some lunch.”

Looking over Johnny, Roy was relieved to see that his partner had his “game face” on.

Watching as the squad pulled out, Hank and his second-in-command, exchanged glances.  
“Any luck out there, Mike?”

“No. He wasn’t even going to come in to eat. I hear your friend Captain Shaw is coming over this afternoon.”

“Yeah. I’m not really sure what he can do for Johnny, but he needs to try to do something.”

“Don’t you think Johnny is going to see right through this ‘visit’?”

“Probably…but we have nothing to lose. Let’s go eat.”

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Arriving on scene, the squad pulled up to a large white two-story house. Meeting them outside was a male who looked to be in his early twenties.  
“Hi there, fellas…glad you’re here,” replied the young man calmly.

As the two paramedics got out their equipment, Roy asked the young man what the situation was.  
“What’s going on?”

“It’s my father. He slipped coming down the attic ladder. He hurt his ankle.”

“Did he fall?”

“No…he caught himself…it’s just his ankle…he’s in a lot of pain.”

Grabbing a splint, Johnny followed Roy and the victim’s son.

“By the way, my name is Aaron.”

Hearing the younger man’s name, Johnny’s heart skipped a few beats, as that was the name of his brother who had never made it home from the war.

When they got inside the house, they followed Aaron up the stairs to where his father was sitting on the wooden hallway floor, grimacing in obvious pain.  
Once again Johnny’s heart skipped a few beats. The man on the ground was a pretty good ringer for his deceased father. A tall man with black hair and soulful brown eyes peered up at the two paramedics.

“I sure hope you guys can help me, because this ankle really hurts.”

“We can…just try to relax. What’s your name?” Roy asked.

“It’s Mike…Mike Reynolds.” Sighing loudly, he looked over at his son. “Aaron, please promise me you won’t make a big deal about this to your mother.”

“I’ll try not to, Dad,” his son replied with a knowing smile.

“Johnny, you wanna get his vitals…I’ll check his ankle.”

“Yeah, sure,” came the slightly awkward reply.

Johnny took Mike’s vitals, and wrote them down on his small notepad, while Roy examined the ankle.

“It’s definitely a very severe sprain at the very least…it might even be broken. We’re going to go ahead and splint it. You’ll have to go to the hospital for some x-rays.”

“Great…my wife is gonna freak out.”

Looking over at his partner, Roy sensed that he didn’t have his usual focus on this call.  
“Johnny, I’ll call it in.”

Nodding his head, Johnny handed Roy the paper with the vitals on it, and then went about splinting the ankle.

By the time that their patient was ready for transport, Johnny had gathered up most of their equipment, and was headed down the stairs.  
“You can ride in with him, Roy…I’ll meet you at Rampart.”

“Okay.”

Once they were all outside, and Mike was being loaded into the ambulance, Roy stole a quick look at his partner who had started to put their equipment away. Johnny looked like he had seen a ghost…he was that pale.

Hopping into the back of the ambulance, Roy saw the attendant close the doors and give them their customary two taps. While on their way to Rampart, he couldn’t help but wonder how Johnny would possibly make it through this holiday weekend…he remembered how difficult it was at Thanksgiving for his best friend.

Arriving at the ER, Roy helped get Mike settled in the treatment room.  
“You’re in good hands, Mike…everything will be just fine.”

Looking up at the paramedic, their patient grimaced, but was quite appreciative of the help that the two paramedics had been able to give him.  
“Will you tell my son Aaron that I’m okay, and that I don’t want him or my wife worrying about me?”

“I will. Just take it easy and relax.”

Going out into the hallway, Roy expected to see his partner waiting for him.  
Spotting Dixie at the base station, he walked over to her.

Hearing the sound of approaching footsteps, she looked up from the writing she was doing, and smiled at the blonde paramedic.  
“Hey there…you’re back.”

“Yeah. Have you seen Johnny around here?”

Shaking her head, the nurse looked at the senior medic with a little concern. “No, I haven’t. I’d have assumed that he would have been right behind you.”

“Under normal circumstances, I’d be inclined to agree with you Dix, but sadly these last couple months, and especially today, have not been normal circumstances.”

“No, that’s for sure. Roy…is he really not spending Christmas with your family?”

“No…he’s really not. He’s been getting invites from everyone…said no to every last one of them. By the way, when you see Mr. Reynolds’ son Aaron, will you tell him that his father said not to worry about him…I gotta get going.”

“I’ll tell him the message…but I thought you didn’t know where your partner was?”

“I don’t…let’s just call it a hunch…he’s probably waiting out in the squad for me. If he isn’t…I’ll be back real soon.”

Picking up the rest of the rest of the equipment, Roy set out to find his partner. When he got to the ER entrance, sure enough there was Johnny…sitting in the passenger side of the squad. 

After putting away the bio-phone and drug box, Roy opened the driver’s door, and slid in quietly behind the wheel.  
“There you are.”

Sighing loudly, Johnny didn’t even look at Roy while answering him softly. “Yeah…here I am.”

“Better make us available, Johnny.”

Nodding his head, Johnny picked up the radio mike and did as he was asked, then quickly replaced it.

“Ten-four, 51.”

Once they were back on the road, Roy again glanced over at his partner, who looked absolutely miserable.  
“Johnny, mind if I ask you a question?”

Shrugging his shoulders, Johnny gave up all pretenses that he was okay, at this point.  
“Yeah, whatever,” came the toneless reply.

“Why do you look like you just saw a ghost? Ever since we left that last call…”

“He looked like my Dad, Roy…spitting image. And his son’s name was Aaron…my dead brother’s name. Do I have to spell it out for you?”

Digesting the news, Roy felt bad that he hadn’t picked up on the coincidences. Johnny had just told him about his brother Aaron, not more than an hour ago…and he had met Johnny’s folks on several occasions. Why he didn’t pick up on that, he wasn’t sure…perhaps it was because of his own frustration in trying to deal with his partner’s emotional issues.

“No…you don’t. I’m sorry, Johnny…I wasn’t thinking.”

Without turning his head, Johnny sighed. “Don’t worry about it…it’s not your problem…I’M NOT your problem…so just do us both a favor, and forget about all of this, okay?”

Roy didn’t answer. He knew that anything else he said would just add fuel to the fire, so he said nothing.

Back at the station, Hank heard the rattling of the vehicle bay doors going up, and knew that his paramedics had returned.  
“They’re back,” Hank said to his friend, Captain Shaw.

“Good,” came the other man’s reply with a smile. “Now I can finally meet this young man who obviously has you all very concerned.”

Backing the squad up, Roy was looking forward to eating lunch.

Jotting their return time down on the call slip, Johnny returned it behind the sun visor, and got out.

When the two men entered the squad room, they were greeted by their captain.

“Hi fellas…come on in. I’d like you both to meet a good friend of mine…Captain Shaw.”

Shaking the other man’s hand, Roy smiled knowingly at him.  
“Roy DeSoto.”

“Nice to meet you, Roy. And you must be John Gage.”

Halfheartedly shaking Captain Shaw’s hand, Johnny didn’t even try to make an effort at smiling.  
“Guess my reputation precedes me.”

Getting up, Marco walked over to the oven where he pulled out two plates of tacos.  
“Hope you guys are hungry.”

“I’m starving,” Roy said with a smile. “Are we going to find out what makes these Christmas tacos?”

“If you’re lucky,” replied Marco with a chuckle.  
Placing the plates on the table, he waited for some kind of reaction from the junior medic.  
When Johnny didn’t say anything, Marco started to say something.  
“Johnny, you are going to eat aren’t you?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, sitting down at the table.  
Taking a bite from one of the tacos, Johnny swallowed without making any comments. While eating, he observed the other captain, and wondered what the real reason was for this other man’s sudden visit.

Exchanging a look with his good friend, Hank wasn’t quite sure what to say next.

Seeing Hank’s obvious apprehension, Captain Shaw dove headfirst into the situation.  
“Well, I don’t know if your captain has ever told you about me or not, but I am a chaplain with the Department. I’m making my rounds these last few days to see how everyone is doing. Anything either of you fellas would like to talk to me about?”

Putting his taco down, Johnny looked up at the chaplain.  
“Yeah, there is one thing, Captain.”

“Would you like to talk privately, John?”

“No…I just have one question. You say that there is a God…well, if there is, why does he kill good people?”

“The answer to that is not a simple one. Perhaps you would like to talk privately another time, and we can delve into that together?”

“No…that won’t be necessary.”  
Getting up from the table, Johnny walked out without saying anything else.

Hearing the door to the back lot slam close, Captain Shaw nodded his head.  
“I see what you guys are talking about.”

“What can we do, Captain Shaw? It’s just getting harder and harder to deal with.”

“I know it is, Chet. It’s quite obvious to me that John is still very much in mourning over the losses of both his parents and aunt. In all likelihood, he will continue to be for some time.”

“But what do we do? What CAN we do? He’s either been a bear to be around, or he’s been sullen and depressed…practically making us walk on egg shells. I mean, I am trying to be understanding, but…”

“I know it’s difficult to see a good friend go through something like this, but you have to be patient and understanding…just like you said yourself, Chet. Time heals all wounds…he just needs time.”

Looking up at hearing the chaplain’s choice of words, Roy nodded in agreement.  
“That’s pretty much what Johnny said to me earlier today…that time will heal him. And while I suppose that may be true, in the mean time I just want to make him feel better, but I have no idea how to do that.”

“Unfortunately Roy, there isn’t anything that you CAN do to make him feel better. He’s gotta deal with this on his own. Based on the conversations we’ve all had in the last hour or so, I would say that Johnny knows that you guys are all there for him…and that you care about him…and right now, that’s the best thing you can do…to let him know that you all will continue to be there for him. I can’t make him talk to me if he doesn’t want to…”

Hank nodded sadly. “I understand that, Steve, but it’s just like Chet was saying…it’s hard to see him hurting like that, and not be able to do anything to help him.”

“I understand that…but in all honesty, there is nothing any of you can do. Maybe over this Christmas holiday John will have an epiphany, and will resolve his issues on his own.” Sighing softly, the chaplain felt bad that he wasn’t able to help the young man to deal better with his grieving. “Sorry I couldn’t help, Hank…maybe by the next time we talk, things will be better. I gotta get going…you all have a wonderful and safe holiday. If any of you ever need me…you know how to find me. Hank…”

“Thanks, Steve…I’ll walk you out.”

Watching as the two captains left the room, the rest of the men felt as badly as Captain Shaw had, for not being able to help Johnny any better.

Looking curiously at Roy, Marco asked him about the comment that he had said Johnny had made to him earlier.  
“Roy, did Johnny really say that time would heal him?”

“Yep, he did, Marco. In fact, he had said something like that to me on several occasions. Maybe he’s right…time WILL heal him.”

“How nice would it be to come back on shift on Tuesday morning, and find that Johnny had made peace with everything?”

“That would be the best Christmas gift I could receive, Marco…and by the way, these tacos taste great. What makes them Christmas tacos, though?”

Out in the back lot, Johnny had his head buried in his Rover.

“Keep me posted on things, Hank. You and your family have a wonderful Christmas.”

“I will. You too, Steve…thanks for trying.”

Watching as his friend drove away, Hank waved. Once the car had left the lot, he walked over to where Johnny was puttering around in his car.  
“John…”

Turning around at hearing his name, Johnny was not surprised to see his captain standing there.  
“Happy?” Johnny asked sarcastically.

“No, I’m not. It wasn’t my intention to upset you, pal. I just wanted you to know that you had options, and other people to talk to.”

Realizing immediately how immature he was acting, despite the circumstances that he had currently found himself dealing with, Johnny quickly changed his tone to that of an apologetic one.  
“You’re right, Cap…and I’m sorry. As much as talking to Captain Shaw might be a good idea, here and now was not the time for it. I’m sorry if you went out of your way to get him to come.”

“It was no problem, John…I just thought talking to him would help you.”

“Maybe...like I said, another place and time, perhaps. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure. What is it?” Hank asked curiously, unsure of what it would be about.

“Have I been doing badly on the job? I mean, has my job performance suffered at all these last couple months?”

“No, I can’t say that it has…you’ve maintained a professionalism on the job…but you haven’t exactly been a barrel of laughs away from being on a run. The guys, they’re trying to be patient and understanding, but they’re getting a little tired of walking on egg shells. I know it sounds harsh, pal…”

Nodding his head, Johnny had no choice but to agree with his captain’s assessment of the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was having trouble setting up the chapter count. There are several more chapters coming, even though the count says 2/2. Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

“No, I understand it…and I have to say that I can’t argue the point…I have been acting like a brat. I just need more time to deal with things. This is my first Christmas without ANY family. You can say that I have Roy and all you guys…that we are family…and in a sense we are…but it’s simply not quite the same. You’re my captain…NOT my father…and Roy is my partner…NOT my brother…and the other guys…they’re all friends…NOT relatives. Not to belabor the point, but I guarantee that if anyone else lost a loved one…they’d be devastated too. You guys are all close to your families…you…Roy…Mike…Marco…even Chet. But the difference is if they lost a parent or other family member, they would still have family left…I have no one.”

Hearing the paramedic pour his heart out, Hank had a mixture of emotions. He could understand the feelings that Johnny was experiencing, but yet, he was also a little disappointed that Johnny still didn’t quite consider their shift to be a family, even after everything that they had all been through together the last few years.

“Okay. You’re entitled to feel the way you do, just promise me one thing…”

“What’s that?” Johnny asked hesitantly.

“That you’ll join us for the gift exchange tonight after dinner. I happen to know that Santa brought you a gift. Did you remember to get a gift for the gift exchange?”

Sighing softly, Johnny nodded slowly.  
“Yeah, I did. I have it in my locker. I’m sure Mike will like it. Look, I’ll be there for the gifts, but you mind if I cut out right after? I don’t think I could handle anything else…the hot cocoa, the music, the reminiscing.”

“If that’s what you want.”

Nodding his head, Johnny replied,“Yeah, it is. And I’ll try harder not to be such a bear...”

Letting out a small laugh, Hank patted the paramedic on the back.  
“Thanks, pal…I think we’d all appreciate that.”

While their captain was outside with Johnny, the rest of the crew was having a chat of their own.

“The gift exchange tonight should be a real blast,” Chet commented with sarcasm. “I mean Johnny is going to be loads of fun.”

Having enough of his friend’s sarcasm, Mike ended it.  
“Drop it Chet. Johnny will deal with it. Why don’t you try being a little more encouraging to him, in the mean time?”

Walking back into the room together, Hank walked over to the stove to pour himself a fresh cup of coffee, while Johnny returned to his seat at the table.  
“So Marco…you gonna give me a hint on what makes these tacos so special for Christmas?”

Grinning at his friend, Marco shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t know…maybe. No one else has managed to figure it out. If you do…tell me.”

Holding up the pitcher of iced tea that Marco had made, Roy asked his partner if he wanted any.  
“Iced tea, Johnny?”

“Thanks,” Johnny replied with a nod.

Pouring his friend a glass, Roy handed it to him.

In the middle of their lunch, the alarms sounded, calling the engine to a fire. 

“See you guys later,” Hank called out, as he ran over to the radio to respond.

Though both paramedics were happy that they were not called out, they also both wondered if getting called out right now would have been more constructive, given the circumstances of how Johnny was feeling.  
“Roy…”

Having an idea of what his partner was going to say, Roy shook his head, and held up his hand.   
“You don’t have to say anything, Johnny. I think I finally get it. I’ll give you space like you want…and I won’t hassle you anymore. It will be my Christmas gift to you…just remember that you always have a place to go this weekend, if you change your mind.”  
Pushing his chair out from the table, Roy got up to bring his plate to the sink.  
“I’m going to go out back for some air. When you’re done eating, if you’d like to join me…”

“Yeah,” came a soft reply.  
After taking a sip of his iced tea, Johnny ran his fingers through his dark hair. He felt as though not another soul could understand what he was going through. His emotions and thoughts were all over the place. He knew that he was both, driving his friends crazy, as well as away…and there was not a thing he could do about it…or so he had felt.

Roy quietly left the room.

Losing what little of his appetite that he had left, Johnny got up from the table, and dumped the rest of his lunch in the garbage. He then went over to the sink, and washed, rinsed, and dried his and Roy’s dishes. When he was through he went to the dorms to lie down. Not getting a whole lot of sleep the previous several weeks, Johnny was feeling pretty worn out, especially with the stress of the holidays upon him.

Outside, Roy was sitting out in his car. He was starting to feel bad for what he had said to his partner. While he did want to give Johnny some space, the tone with which he had said it, had come out all wrong…it was more of an annoyed, cold tone, rather than the calm understanding tone with which he had meant for it to sound. Sitting there, he kept looking up at his window assuming that Johnny would be out to join him…but he never did come out.

Inside, Johnny lay down on his bed. Trying to think of something pleasant to help him fall asleep, the one thing that kept coming to his mind was the day that he had received the phone call that his parents had been killed in the car accident. Haunted by those awful thoughts, Johnny sat up, rubbing his eyes.

When it had become obvious to him that his partner was not going to be joining him outside, Roy returned inside, setting about looking for him.  
Going first into the squad room, Roy had figured that maybe Johnny was either watching TV, or reading on the couch, but much to his disappointment, he was not there. Roy then went into the locker room…no sign of him in there, either. When he went into the dorms, he spotted his best friend. 

Standing quietly in the doorway, Roy watched Johnny for a few moments. Johnny was sitting up in his bed, legs bent, and his head and arms resting on his knees. It was obvious that he was upset.  
Sensing that he was no longer alone in the room, the younger paramedic lifted his head up. Seeing his partner standing there, he quickly wiped his eyes, afraid that Roy would see that he had been crying.

“Hi. I…I’m sorry if I disturbed you…I didn’t mean to.”

Clearing his throat, Johnny shrugged his shoulders.  
“You didn’t disturb me.”

Getting up from his bed, Johnny went to the bathroom sink to splash some water on his face.  
Wanting to give Johnny his privacy, Roy decided to go out to the squad room to watch some TV…he was pleasantly surprised to see Johnny joining him a short time later.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
After a couple runs, but a fairly light afternoon, the men of 51’s A-shift were preparing to sit down for dinner. Despite having already cooked lunch that day, Marco had also agreed to cook supper.

“Supper’s ready, guys,” Marco called out.

While everyone else had started to make their way to the table, Johnny continued to sit on the couch.  
“Joining us for dinner, Johnny?” asked Marco.

Sighing softly, Johnny shook his head. “No offense, Marco…but I’m not hungry. It smells great, though.”

Pushing his concern about his friend to the side, Chet smiled. “Well, I’m starving.”

Once everyone was at the table, Marco brought over the food.  
Smelling the aromatic scent, Hank commented about it.  
“Smells heavenly, pal. What is it?”

“It’s a special dish that my Aunt Consuelo makes every Christmas. It’s a mixture of beef, pork, chicken, vegetables and spices, and it gets served over rice.”

Hearing that it was a special dish that Marco’s aunt had made every Christmas, Johnny started to get a lump in his throat, and a heaviness in his heart. He wanted to get up and leave the room in the worst way, but he didn’t want to bring attention to himself…and so he stayed put.  
As his friends sat and ate, talking about their plans for the upcoming holiday, Johnny tried not to pay too much attention to them, but it was getting quite difficult to do. After trying to block them out for a half hour, he simply couldn’t take it anymore, and got up, leaving the room.

The rest of the men exchanged glances that seemed to all say the same thing…that they all felt bad for their friend, but didn’t know what to do for him.

“I’ll go talk to him…I started this whole thing.”

Shaking his head, Roy held up his hand. “No, Chet…just leave him alone…and you didn’t start anything…Johnny’s been like this for almost two months now. He’ll be fine. Right now, he’s better off by himself…trust me.”

When they were all finished eating, Mike and Roy did the dishes, while Hank set out in search of his wayward junior paramedic.  
Checking outside first, Hank assumed that’s where Johnny would be, but he was wrong…no sign of him out there. He then checked the locker room…no sign of him there, either. Entering the dorms quietly, he found the medic sitting quietly on his bed, reading a book.

“John…” the captain called out softly, so as not to startle the younger man.

Looking up, Johnny smiled weakly. “Sorry to have run out like I did…but I just couldn’t take being out there. And I really don’t know how I’m going to get through this gift exchange tonight.”

“I know. No one is faulting you for feeling this way, pal. But we do want you to be included in everything…whether you want to be or not.”

Exhaling softly, Johnny put his book down. “Are we doing this now?”

“Within the hour…unless we get a call before then. The guys are cleaning up now. Marco saved some dinner for you…just in case you get hungry later.”

“I appreciate that. I’ll be out there in a little while.”

“Good,” Hank replied, as he patted Johnny on the shoulder.

When the captain returned to where the rest of his crew was, he was met by their questioning eyes.

“He’s coming to join us, isn’t he, Cap?” Chet asked hopefully.

“Yeah, he is, Chet.”

Continuing to sit on the bed, Johnny hoped and prayed that the alarms would go off, and that he would get a reprieve from the gift exchange, or at least it would postpone it a bit.  
His wish came true when the alarms did in fact sound.

“Squad 51, unknown type rescue…Clancy’s Bar…2139 Silver Springs Road…timeout 18:05…”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Johnny was off and running to the squad, incredibly thankful for the momentary distraction of this run.  
On the radio, Hank responded with the customary, “Squad 51 responding, KMG-365…timeout 18:06.”

Handing the call slip to Roy, Hank stood and watched as the paramedics pulled out of the station.

Arriving on scene, the squad pulled up to a rather dark and depressing building. The neon sign read “ancy’s Bar”, rather than Clancy’s Bar, as the C and the L were not lit up. Pulling their equipment out of the compartments, Roy and Johnny made their way inside the bar, met by a police officer on the way.

“Hi fellas,” greeted Andy the officer. “Glad you’re here.”

“What do we have, Andy?” Roy asked.

“Two guys, Roy…they got into an argument with each other…a fistfight.”

“Bad?”

“Doesn’t seem to be too bad…mainly cuts and bruises. One guy has a bleeding lip, and the other one has a bloody nose.”

Following the police officer, the paramedics found themselves in the back of the bar…two men on the floor. One was propped up against the wall, a napkin held up to his nose. The other one was sprawled out on the floor.

“Which one do you want, Johnny?”

“I’ll take the guy on the floor. He doesn’t look like he’s going to be much of a problem,” Johnny replied, referring to the fact that the man was flat on his back.

After checking their two victims, it was established that there were no serious injuries, and both men refused to be brought into Rampart.

“You fellas really should see a doctor,” Roy encouraged.

“We ain’t gonna see nobody…now buzz off. You came…you saw…now f*ck off,” the man with the bloody nose remarked to the two paramedics.

Looking over at the police officer who was standing beside them, Roy nodded knowingly.  
“Andy, I think our job here is done.”

“Thanks for the help, guys. Have a wonderful holiday.”

“You too,” answered Roy.

Going back outside to their squad, the two men returned the equipment to the proper compartments, and got inside.

Knowing that he’d have to make them available, Johnny tried to put it off as long as he could. As far as he was concerned, he would be content to just sit in the squad right where they were, for the rest of the night…he had no desire to return to the station, as he knew what would be taking place as soon as they had returned, unless of course, the engine had been toned out as well.

“Johnny, you want to make us available?”

Lifting the mike to his mouth, Johnny contacted dispatch, and then replaced the mike to its holder.

“Hey…how about we stop for a burger or something? Since I won’t be seeing you this weekend, it will be like my gift to you.”

Giving his partner a small smile, Johnny shook his head. “That’s nice of you to think of that, but I’m not hungry…besides, we really should head back to the station. I know everyone is anxious to exchange gifts.”

“Everyone but YOU.”

“Forget about me, Roy. I’m being selfish…and anyway, this isn’t all about me, it’s about you guys, and the spirit of the season. I don’t want to take that away from you. I’ll be fine.”

While Roy and Johnny were driving back to the station, the rest of the men were getting things ready for their little holiday party.

“Just promise me that you guys won’t push Johnny too much. He agreed to join in, but he said that he was going to leave after the gift exchange.”

Seeing the other men all nod their head, Hank was content that the evening would be fairly successful.

“The hot cocoa is ready, Cap…I even added marshmallows.”

Hank smiled in appreciation at Marco’s efforts to keep the evening’s theme.

Hearing the bay doors go up, they knew that Roy and Johnny had returned.

Once the squad was backed in, Roy looked over at his partner.  
“You’ll be okay? I can tell Cap that you…”

“No, Roy…I made a promise to him that I would be there…and if there is one thing that John Gage doesn’t do…it’s to go back on promises. It’ll be okay…I just have to be out there for about a half hour or so…I can do it.”

Opening his door, Johnny got out, and went to the locker room to retrieve his mystery gift, while Roy went to the dorms to do the same.

When both men joined the others in the squad room, Marco had some Christmas music playing. At the moment it was Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” that was playing.

Hearing the music, Johnny hesitated for a few moments before sitting at the table. The music was almost more than he could bear at the moment, but he made himself stay there.

Bringing the cups of hot cocoa to the table, Marco joined the rest of his friends.

“Okay…how should we do this?” Hank asked his men. 

Usually they sort of just all exchanged gifts at the same time, but this year Hank wanted to be more organized in his approach.  
“Why don’t we do it according to seniority, Cap?” the engineer suggested.

“Good thinking, Michael. Okay…I’ll go first, then Mike, Roy, Marco, Chet, and then John.”

Sliding a good sized package wrapped in bright red paper towards Chet, Hank smiled at the curly-haired firefighter.  
“This is for you, Chet. I hope you like it…at the very least it will be a conversation piece for your apartment.”

Intrigued, Chet ripped open the red paper and looked wide-eyed at the box.  
“A lava lamp…cool. I always wanted one.” Looking at the various colors of the lamp pictured on the box, Chet was excited. “Look at all those colors…orange, yellow, green, red, purple…wow. I know where I’ll put it, too…on my end table in the living room. Thanks, Cap…this is really neat.”

“You’re welcome, Chet…glad you like it.”

“I guess it’s my turn. Marco, this is for you,” said Mike, handing two packages over to his friend. One was a mid-sized square box wrapped with red and white striped paper. The other box was a much smaller flat one, wrapped in the same paper.

Carefully unwrapping the paper, Marco smiled appreciatively when he had gotten the larger box opened.  
“A new soccer ball…great. How’d you know that I needed one?”

“A little birdie told me,” Mike answered with a grin. “Open the other one.”

“A second gift wasn’t necessary, Mike…the soccer ball would have been enough.”

“Yeah, I know. I saw this other thing, and I figured that we would all get some use out of it.”

Opening the flat package, Marco again smiled.  
“A cook book…’Recipes from Around the World’. This is really going to come in handy. I’ll have to look at it over the weekend, and come up with some new ideas for our next shift. Great gifts, Mike...thanks a lot.”

“My pleasure…by the way, I marked page 42,” Mike commented with a grin and a wink.

“Roy…I believe you’re next,” said Hank.

“Yep…and here you go, Cap. I hope you like it.”

Seeing the silver-wrapped box that his senior paramedic had handed him, Hank was quite curious at what he had come up with.

Watching his friends interact with one another as they unwrapped their gifts, Johnny wanted to be anywhere but where he was at the moment. It was at that precise moment that Bing Crosby’s White Christmas had started to play on Marco’s tape player. There was never a moment where Johnny had wanted the alarms to sound more than he did at that moment in time.

Smiling as he took the lid off of the box, Hank nodded in appreciation at Roy’s thoughtful gift…a beautiful brown leather-bound with gold trim writing journal, and a silver pen engraved with Hank’s initials.

“You’re always telling us about how you could write a book about your time so far in the fire department…I figured that this would help you to get a leg up on it.”

“Thanks, pal…I love it. Suzanne will too…she’ll appreciate the quiet time,” Hank replied with a wink.

“Johnny, this is for you. I made it myself…I really hope you like it.”

Looking at Marco, Johnny had a lump in his throat. He knew that Marco was quite artistic, and if it was something that he had handmade, he knew it would be something quite amazing.  
Opening the beautifully wrapped package, Johnny’s heart was beating fast in anticipation of what the gift would be.

Pulling out a picture frame from the box, Johnny, as was the rest of the crew, was in awe of the beautiful frame. It was made of a rich mahogany wood, and had small silver accent pieces on it. Inside the frame was the most beautiful sunrise that Johnny had ever seen. He was speechless at the beauty of it.

Speaking softly, Marco wanted to tell his friend about the gift.  
“I want to tell you the story of this picture and frame. I have a good friend who went to Hawaii right before Thanksgiving. I asked him to take this picture for me. I know you’re still really sad about your recent losses, Johnny…I just wanted to show you that as bad as things might seem to you right now, the sun still rises…and there are still beautiful things out there for you to see. The picture frame, I had actually started it several months ago…it was going to be a birthday gift for you, but I didn’t finish it time. I kept working on it, and had finally finished it at the end of September. I really hope you like it.”

“I do, Marco…it’s one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen…and very thoughtful. I really want to believe that I'll see other sunrises again, but right now…I don’t know… but gracias…from the bottom of my heart.”

Johnny was so overwhelmed with emotion that he desperately wanted to leave the table, but he remembered the promise that he had made to his captain…that he would stick around for the gift exchange.

“Chet, you’re on.” 

“Okay, Cap. Roy, this is for you.”

Seeing the small square box that was wrapped in blue and silver paper, Roy wasn’t quite sure what to expect. When it had come to gifts, Chet was often a mixed bag of sorts.  
When Roy got the box opened, his eyes were wide with surprise.  
“A Kodak Instamatic Camera…wow…this is a great gift, Chet. The kids will love it.”

Smiling at his own thoughtfulness, Chet was practically patting himself on his back. “I kinda figured the kids would get a kick out of it. Enjoy it, Roy.”

“I know we will…thanks a lot.”

The moment was finally upon him…it was Johnny’s turn to give his gift to Mike. It was something that had meant a lot to him, but it was also something that he had wanted Mike to have.  
“This is for you, Mike,” Johnny said very quietly, as he pushed the small package over to the engineer.

Unwrapping the small box, Mike was blown away at what he saw in the box…a wristwatch. The band was a beautiful black leather, and the actual watch piece was a very shiny silver.  
Looking at it carefully, a light of recognition came over Mike’s face.  
“Johnny, this watch…it was your father’s…I can’t accept this.”

“Yeah, you can, Mike. My father was one of the people I respected the most…and I wanted to give it to someone else whom I respected as much…that’s you. I hope you like it.”

“I do…it’s a beautiful watch…and I’m honored that you’d want me to have it.”

“Good. Well, I think I’m going to go relax inside for a while. Marco, thanks for this beautiful picture frame and picture…I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.”  
Without saying anything else, Johnny left the room.

What he really wanted to do was to break down and cry, the emotion of the last half hour was that overwhelming to him. However, he was still on duty, and refused to give into to those emotions. There would be plenty of time to do that back home in his apartment, but for now he would just try to cope as best as he could.  
Heading to the dorms, Johnny laid down on his bed, but not before putting the beautiful picture frame that Marco had given him, on the small nightstand beside his bed. 

Back out in the squad room, the other men sat admiring their gifts. Although they were concerned about Johnny and his emotional state, they also knew that he needed to be left alone at that point in time.

“So in this book that you’re gonna write…are we finally gonna be able to read about why you burned McConnike’s hat?” asked a curious Chet.

Smiling, as he looked up from admiring the beautiful leather cover of his journal, Hank gave the others a shrug. “I don’t know, Chet…maybe. I suppose I could also write about the Phantom and the amount of times that he’s had latrine duty because of the pranks that he has pulled.”

“Perhaps,” Chet replied.

Looking thoughtfully over at his captain, Roy put his two cents in. “Well, I think the best place for you to start is at the beginning…why you wanted to be a firefighter. Then perhaps go to your days at the academy, and then your first assignment, and ultimately to your first day as captain under Station 51’s A-shift.”

“I could do that.”

“This book could be a best seller, Cap. I mean look at all the good stuff to write about from the last few years alone.”

“True, Chet. There have been some interesting things along the way.”

As they were talking and enjoying the hot cocoa that Marco had made, Marco himself was perusing the new cookbook that he had received.  
“Page 42, huh?” Opening the book to that page, Marco smiled when he saw what country the recipe was from. “France…dijon mustard pork chops…hmm…”  
Looking over the recipe, Marco grinned and nodded his head. “Looks good, Mike…it would probably be fairly simple to make, too.”

“What’s the sudden interest in French cooking?” Hank asked his engineer.

“Probably a girl or something,” Chet replied with a grin.

“I don’t kiss and tell, Chet…but yes, it has something to do with a girl. Let’s just leave it at that.”

“Hey Roy, why don’t you try out the new camera? There should be some film in the camera already…I put it in myself.”

“I’d like to, Chet, but I don’t want to take any pictures of all of us…not without Johnny. We’ll take some pictures after the holiday…maybe my partner will be feeling a little better by then. Marco, I gotta say that is one beautiful picture frame that you had made. How did you ever come up with the idea?”

“Thanks Roy. Well I know Johnny is into photography…and that he probably had a picture that he really liked that would look good in a special frame. He talked about wanting to go to Hawaii someday. When I heard that my friend Alex was going to Hawaii…I asked him to take a picture of a sunrise. I knew how devastated Johnny was after his parents’ and aunt’s deaths…thought that something beautiful would take a little of the sting out, you know?”

“It was awfully thoughtful and considerate of you to do that, pal,” said Hank.

Marco grinned sheepishly. “Anything for a friend. Johnny’s a good guy…I just want him to feel better. Anyway…talking about good friends…that was a pretty amazing thing that Johnny did…give his father’s watch to Mike. That says a lot.”

Looking down at the small box that was sitting on the table in front of him, Mike was still in shock that Johnny would have given the watch to him. He could understand if it had been given to Roy, after all the two of them were best friends…or even if their captain had received it…but the fact that it was HE who had been given the watch, blew his mind.

Nodding his head slowly, Mike replied softly. “Yeah…it says a lot.”

After reminiscing for a couple hours, and talking about their holiday plans, the guys cleaned up the squad room, and decided to head off for an early night’s sleep. So far it had been a very quiet evening, and they had hoped that it would stay that way.  
Making their way to the dorms, they were glad to see that Johnny was sound asleep.

“Glad he’s asleep…I know he hasn’t gotten a lot of that lately,” Roy replied, as he stood watching his partner.

Once everyone was washed up and ready for bed, the lights were turned off.

“Sweet dreams, fellas. Hopefully when we wake up, it will be time to go home.”

“We can only hope, Cap,” Chet answered.

At some point during the night, Johnny had gotten up and gone into the bathroom. Looking at his watch in the dimness of the locker room as he washed up, he was surprised that it was already 2 AM. Stretching as he returned to his bed, he got undressed, noting that someone had set up his turnouts beside his bed…Roy no doubt.

Pulling back the blanket, Johnny got into bed. As tired as he still was, despite having slept for several hours before he had woken up, he doubted that he’d be able to fall back to sleep. Knowing that it was now Christmas Eve, his heart and his mind were not feeling any better than they had been for the last several weeks.  
While trying to fall asleep, Johnny made a mental note of the few things that he had wanted to do that morning before he went home to his apartment. Thinking about the first thing on his list, he began to feel guilty and even embarrassed about it.  
As the minutes slowly ticked by, and it became obvious to him that he would not be going back to sleep, Johnny got up. Pulling on his turnouts, he quietly made his way out to the squad room to watch some TV.  
By the time the morning tones had sounded at 7 AM, he was wide awake and had a fresh pot of coffee going.

Rolling over in his bed to get up, Roy looked across the aisle at his partner’s bed…it was empty. Pushing himself up, he slid into his turnouts, and followed the rest of his crewmates into the squad room for some coffee.

“Good morning, John.”

“Mornin’, Cap. I made the coffee.”

“I see that…thanks. You did get some sleep last night, didn’t you?”

Nodding his head, as he handed his captain a cup of coffee, Johnny smiled weakly. “Yeah, I did. I woke up around two and couldn’t go back to sleep.”

Gradually the B-shift crew sauntered in. Once 8 AM came, A-shift was dismissed, and went to the locker room to change. 

Johnny was quite anxious to be on his way. As he buttoned up his shirt, Roy stood watching him.  
“Johnny…please remember…if you change your mind…come on over. You don’t even have to call, okay?”

Not wanting to make eye contact with his best friend, Johnny merely nodded his head.  
“Yeah,” he replied in a barely audible voice. “See everyone on Tuesday.”

Closing his locker door, Johnny put on his jacket, picked up his duffle bag, and headed out. The beautiful picture frame that Marco had made for him was back in the box, and safely tucked inside the bag.

Watching as their friend walked out of the room, an air of sadness came over them.  
“I hope he can somehow find some peace this weekend,” said a concerned Marco.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
On the way back to his apartment, Johnny made a pit stop at a liquor store. Though he was not much of a drinker, over these last couple months, he admittedly drank more than he normally did, though never to excessive amounts.  
Pulling into the parking lot of “BJ’s Liquors”, Johnny looked around nervously as he opened his car door. He did not want to run into anyone he knew, having to explain why he was at the liquor store. His friends all knew that he wasn’t a big drinker, and he didn’t want them asking why he was buying what he was going to be buying, and why he was going to be spending the holiday alone.

Taking a deep breath and exhaling, he got out of his car, and made his way inside the liquor store. Sure enough, the first person that he had encountered inside was Bob Bellingham.  
“Johnny…” the other paramedic greeted with a smile.

“Hi there, Bob,” Johnny returned, shaking the other man’s hand.

“Picking up some booze for the weekend… we’re having a big party at my parents’ house. You doing the same thing?”

“Yep…picking up some booze,” Johnny replied rather unenthusiastically.

“Going over to Roy’s for the holiday?” He asked innocently, not knowing the extent of Johnny’s ‘situation.’

“No, as a matter of fact, I am flying solo. I’m buying some booze so I can get drunk later.”

“For real?” Bob asked uncertainly.

Getting a little irritated with his friend’s line of questioning, as innocent as it had been, Johnny abruptly ended the conversation.  
“I gotta go. You have a wonderful holiday. I’m sure I’ll see you around on the next shift.”

Walking away, Johnny left the other man to wonder what was going on.

Grabbing one of the blue hand baskets that were stacked at the front of one of the aisles, Johnny walked to the back of the store where the beer was. Opening one of the refrigerated doors, he reached in for two six-packs of Budweiser, and placed them inside his basket. Turning around, he made his way back towards the front of the store, until he came to where the vodka was. Placing two mid-sized bottles of vodka in the basket, Johnny continued on to the register.  
As he placed the basket on the counter, the older man behind the counter smiled at him.

“Getting ready for a good time, young man?” the man commented with a wink.

“Yeah…something like that,” Johnny replied nonchalantly.

Once the items were rung up on the register, Johnny handed the man his money, and with his purchases in a bag, started to walk away from the counter.

“Merry Christmas,” called out the man.

Turning around, Johnny gave a nod of his head, and a half-hearted wave, and walked out of the store.  
Unlocking the passenger side door, he placed the heavy bag on the floor, then closed the door, and unlocked the driver’s door.  
As he fastened his seatbelt, he wanted nothing more than to go home to his apartment and enjoy the peace and quiet that he knew he would be having. 

On the drive home, Johnny looked around at all the stores and houses…they were all decorated for the holiday with lights, red ribbons, and wreaths. Passing by a small flower stand, Johnny pulled over as an idea had suddenly come to him.  
Purchasing a small bouquet, he got back into his car, and drove to Cliffside Cemetery. He would pay his respects to his beloved Aunt Rosa.  
Following the dirt road to his aunt’s plot, he stopped the car and got out.  
Walking over to the tombstone, Johnny bent down and placed the flowers on the ground in front of it.

“Hi Aunt Rosa…Merry Christmas.”  
Johnny stood there for a few moments, unsure of what else to say, although he had so much that he had wanted to tell her.

“Not really sure where to begin...guess I’ll keep it short and sweet. First I want to thank you for everything that you have done for me over the years...I don’t know if I ever properly thanked you for that. If it wasn’t for you taking me in, it’s doubtful that I would have ever fully realized my dream of being a firefighter. And secondly, I miss you. You were always there for me to talk to and bounce ideas off of. I’m sure by now you know about Mom and Dad…hopefully you guys are all up there in Heaven together. Tell them that I love them, and that I miss them terribly. And while you’re at it…give my love to Aaron and Jessie, too. I don’t want you worrying about me…I’ll be fine. Us Gages…we might bend, but we don’t break. Guess I should get going…take care.”

Kissing his hand, he then took it and rubbed the top of the tombstone with it.

Returning to his car, he then drove home, tears slowly tracing a path down his cheeks.  
Pulling into his apartment complex parking lot, Johnny parked, and pulled out his duffel bag, as well as the bag holding his morning’s purchases in it, and headed inside. As he approached his apartment door, he noticed that a beautiful Christmas wreath with a big red bow now hung on his door…something that he was sure that he had never put up. Upon further inspection, he saw an envelope with his name on it, taped to the door.

Putting his things down, he unlocked the door, pulled the envelope off the door, and brought everything inside with him, closing the door.  
Sitting heavily down on his couch, Johnny opened the envelope and read.

“Johnny,  
I noticed that you hadn’t hung anything on your door yet, so I did the honors…hope you don’t mind. I know you are going through a tough time right now, but having lost my husband a few years ago, I can certainly sympathize with what you are currently going through. If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me. I also wanted to let you know that a rather large package came for you today…I have it in my apartment. Come and get it at your leisure. I won’t be leaving for my daughter’s house until suppertime. I hope you have plans, but if you don’t, you are always welcome to join me and my family. God bless you, John Gage…and Merry Christmas!  
Mrs. Price”


	4. Chapter 4

Johnny laid the note down on the couch next to him, and wiped his eyes. The sentiments expressed by his landlady Mrs. Price were very sweet, and he was touched at the fact that she seemed to care so much about him. As he sat there, what he wanted to do so desperately was to down a few beers, and forget all about Christmas. However, he didn’t want to do that until after he saw Mrs. Price…he didn’t feel that it would be appropriate if he had shown up at her door with alcohol on his breath.

Pushing himself up from the couch, Johnny started for the door, but stopped when he realized that he probably should be bringing something for her with him. Standing in the middle of the room, he looked around wondering if there was anything that he could use as an impromptu gift.

Remembering the tin of cookies that one of the nurses from Rampart had given him a few days earlier, Johnny went to the kitchen to retrieve it. The tin was a very pretty round gold one, and had images of poinsettias on it. He hadn’t been very hungry of late, and so the tin in question sat untouched and unopened on his kitchen counter. Walking over to it, he lifted off the lid to see what kind of cookies there were in it, and whether or not there was a note inside. There was no note, and the cookies were a good variety…nicely decorated sugar cookies, as well as some chocolate chip, and his personal favorites, peanut butter.

Replacing the lid, Johnny set off to see Mrs. Price, the tin of cookies in tow.

Arriving at her door, Johnny took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Hearing footsteps approaching on the other side, he knew she was coming.

“Johnny…I am so glad you stopped by. Please come on in,” the older woman greeted with a sincere smile, as she opened the door.

“Thank you. Oh, these are for you…Happy Holiday.”

Accepting the tin, Mrs. Price continued to smile. “This is so sweet of you, Johnny…but not necessary. I’ll bring them to my daughter’s tonight. Won’t you sit down…the package that came for you is in the living room.”

Nodding his head, Johnny followed her into the living room.  
Sitting down on the couch, he saw the package on the floor beside the couch…noting its label.

“Nick’s Sporting Goods…Billings, Montana.” As he read the label, Johnny was not quite sure what to make of it.  
“When did this come, Mrs. Price?”

“Yesterday afternoon. I really didn’t want to bother you at the station, so I figured that I would just leave you a note about it…and I also hope you don’t mind that I hung the wreath on your door. I know it’s a sad time for you…”

“It’s okay…I really appreciate everything, but I should get going.”

As Johnny started to get up, Mrs. Price motioned for him to stay.  
“I’ll be right back…there’s something that I really want to give you.”

Not wanting to keep her young tenant any longer than he wanted to stay, she rushed to the bedroom to get the small package. When she returned, she handed it to him.  
“This is for you, Johnny…just a token of my appreciation for you being so helpful around here, and for your friendship and kindness.”

Looking down at the small festively wrapped package in his hand, Johnny managed a small smile.

“Open it here…please,” she practically pleaded.

Carefully tearing the silver paper, Johnny lifted the lid. Studying the contents of the box, he sensed a bit of déjà vu. In the small box was a watch, much like the one that had once belonged to his father, and that he had just given to Mike Stoker the evening before.

“This watch is beautiful. My father had one just like it.”

“I’m glad you like it. It belonged to my husband Colton. I want you to have it.”

“I…I can’t accept this…” Johnny stammered out.

“Yes, you can…and you will. You are such a wonderful young man. You remind me so much of him. The two of you would have enjoyed spending time together...Colton grew up in Wyoming.”

“I’m sure we would have. I really need to get going. I hope you have a wonderful time with your family. Thanks for everything.”  
Giving his landlady a hug, Johnny bent down to pick up the large package.

“Johnny…please tell me that you’re not going to be alone this weekend.”

Not wanting her to feel sorry for him, but also not wanting to lie to her, Johnny told the truth.  
“Okay, I won’t tell you that.”  
Not wanting to give her a chance to respond to that, Johnny quickly made his way toward the door.

“Take care, Johnny.”

“Thank you,” came his soft reply.

Carrying the very large box, with the smaller box on top, Johnny walked down the hallway and back to his apartment.  
Putting the smaller box with the watch in it, on the coffee table, he then put the large box down on the living room floor.

Deciding that he needed a drink before opening it, Johnny pulled out the first six-pack of beer and walked back to the couch. Pulling off one can from the plastic strap he opened it, and took a big gulp from it. He then proceeded to open the big box.  
Using a pair of sharp scissors to do the honor, Johnny reached inside the box. On top of the contents was an envelope that had his name on it…Johnny.

Curious as to what was in the envelope he tore it open and pulled out the paper.  
“Merry Christmas, Johnny. Here are a few things that your mother and I thought you would enjoy. Over the summer there was a rather nice sale at our favorite sporting goods store, and we figured that it would make sense to buy your Christmas presents now…and then have them sent to you in L.A. on Christmas.  
You are a kind and decent man, and a person that any parent would be happy to call son. We are so proud of you…couldn’t be prouder of you if we tried to be. We love you very much, Johnny. Have a wonderful holiday. Hope to see you soon.  
Lovingly,  
Mom and Dad”

As Johnny read the note, he wondered if this had all been some horrible joke, or if this was indeed really from his parents. Sitting there and letting it all sink in, he could no longer keep the tears in.  
After a few minutes, he reached into the box to see what was in it. The first thing he pulled out was a new pair of hiking boots.  
Using his sleeve to wipe away some of his tears, Johnny studied the boots for a few moments. His folks knew how much he loved to hike, after all it was BOTH his mother AND father who had taught him the ins and outs of the sport. These were top of the line boots.

Putting the boots down on the floor at his feet, he again reached back into the large box, and pulled out what appeared to be a new sleeping bag. The sleeping bag was tightly packed into a matching blue bag. Examining the tag on the bag, Johnny smiled to himself when he read it…water-proof, and durable in all kinds of terrain.

Placing the sleeping bag on the floor next to the boots, he pulled out what looked to be a lantern, wrapped in several layers of bubble wrap. Unraveling the bubble wrap, Johnny again smiled at his parents’ thoughtfulness…it was a new-fangled battery operated lantern. This would prove to be more convenient, not to mention safer, than the typical kerosene lanterns that Johnny had usually brought with him on his camping trips.

New boots, a new sleeping bag, and a new battery operated lantern were wonderful gifts, but Johnny would give them all back in a heartbeat to once again have his parents still alive. Leaning his head back on the back of the couch, Johnny sighed loudly. He had no idea how he would possibly be able to get through the next couple days…not to mention New Year’s. 

Sitting back up, Johnny reached down to put the three items back in the large box, however when he looked back in the box, he realized that there was still one more item inside. Reaching in, he pulled out another bubble wrapped item…it appeared to be a picture frame…a handmade wooden one that was most likely made by his father who was quite handy with carving tools.

Carefully unwrapping it, his heart was in his throat as he saw the picture inside the frame…a picture of him and his parents from the previous Christmas. Seeing the picture brought back happy memories for Johnny, but also served to bring home what he no longer had.

“Why did you guys have to leave me? I used to think that I was strong emotionally…but now, I can’t say that I am. You would both probably be quite disappointed in how I’ve been acting these last couple months. I can’t help it…I miss you both so much.”  
Continuing to stare at the picture, Johnny’s tears started to come down his cheeks with a renewed vengeance.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
While Johnny was at his apartment dealing with his own agenda, Roy was at home with his family preparing for their holiday weekend.

Chris, who was now eleven years old, and Jennifer who was now nine, were down in the den wrapping some presents, while their parents were in the kitchen talking and sharing a cup of coffee.

“How’s Johnny doing, Roy? Any better?” Joanne asked hopefully.

Roy took a sip of coffee from his cup, and swallowed, shaking his head.

“No better…and he may even be doing worse. It was a rough shift…as far as his emotions went. My hope for this holiday is for Johnny to somehow find a sense of peace in his life, and have a return to some kind of normalcy. I’m sure that’s the same as asking to hit the lottery, but if it were to happen…it would make a lot of people very happy.”

Joanne was very saddened to hear of her friend’s continued somber mood and depression.  
“It pains me to think that Johnny is spending the holiday by himself, Roy. Christmas is supposed to be such a joyous time. To think that Johnny will be all alone…”

“It IS sad, Joanne, but there is nothing, and I DO mean nothing that any of us can do to help him right now. He has received many invitations to various places this weekend…if he chooses to go somewhere he’ll have his pick of places.”

“In your heart of hearts, Roy do you think Johnny will get through all of this?”

“Of course he will, Jo. Johnny’s resilient. He may bend, but he doesn’t break. In time, this will pass, and Johnny will be back to his old self. What do you say we take a break from all of this Christmas stuff?”

Joanne looked curiously at her husband.  
“What do you have in mind?”

“Let’s get the kids and get out of the house for a while…go for a ride or something? What do you say?”

“There’s still a lot to do, Roy…baking…gift wrapping…”

“Jo, we have plenty of time for that. I think what we need is to get out of the house for a bit. Get the kids…”

“Where are we going? Johnny’s?” Joanne asked.

Roy sighed softly. He hadn’t even thought about stopping over his partner’s place, he was merely trying to take a break from talking about him, and thinking about him, before he got any further depressed himself.

“No…not Johnny’s. Just out for a ride…maybe get some ice cream or something.”

“Ice cream? It’s barely lunch time, and you’re talking about getting ice cream? Is something wrong?”

“No,” Roy replied, shaking his head. Pausing for a few moments before continuing, Roy sighed loudly. “Okay…the truth of the matter is Johnny HAS been all I’ve been thinking about and worrying about these last few weeks. As hard as it is for me to say this…it’s depressing me. If I don’t stop talking about him right now…I’m afraid OUR Christmas is going to be depressing too. I don’t want that.”

Joanne looked lovingly at her husband.  
“Johnny’s your best friend. It’s understandable that you’d be so worried about him…it’s what makes you such a warm compassionate man. How about if YOU go out for a while? Jennifer wanted to help me make the cookies this afternoon, and I’m sure Chris has things that he wants to do too. It sounds like to me that YOU’RE the one who needs to get out…not ALL of us.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Not at all. Take as long as you need…we’ll be here.”

Kissing his wife, Roy got his keys from the kitchen table, and went out the door.  
Getting into his car, Roy had no idea where to go…he just knew that he had to get away from things for a while.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
Back at his apartment, Johnny continued to sit on the couch, depressed and angry that his family had been so cruelly taken from him. He had already downed three beers, and was barely feeling any effects from them.  
From a neighboring apartment the strains of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” could be heard. Johnny wished he could be home for Christmas…but Montana was no longer his home…there was no longer anything there for him.  
As he sat on the couch, continuing to contemplate his life, there was a knock at his door. Closing his eyes, he waited for it to go away. When the knocking continued, he reluctantly got up off the couch, and went to see who was at the door.  
He could only hope that it wasn’t Roy or any of the guys, but who was standing at his door, caught him a bit off guard.

“John…”

“Doctor Morton…what are you doing here?”  
Johnny was quite surprised to see the doctor at his front door step. The two of them had never been particularly close, and had even duked it out on a few occasions.

“Well…it’s kind of a long story. But the short version of it is that I am here on behalf of a friend…and FOR a friend.”

Johnny despite the mood he was currently in was touched at the doctor’s sincerity.  
“Dixie, no doubt,” Johnny commented with a loud sigh.

“Does it surprise you? May I come in, or are you going to make me stand out here for the next few minutes?” the doctor said with a smile.

Johnny really didn’t want Morton to come in, for then he’d see how messy his place had become, not to mention the empty beer cans on the floor by the couch, and the full ones still left on the coffee table.  
“Come in…excuse the mess…and the empty beer cans.”

The doctor nodded his head in understanding.  
“Starting the celebrating a bit early, huh?”

“I’m not going to apologize for my behavior or attitude right now, Doc…so why don’t you just tell me the reason for your little visit. Obviously it has something to do with Dixie…just tell me what it is…then you can go, and I can get back to MY business.”  
Leading the doctor to the kitchen, Johnny motioned for the man to sit down.  
“Coffee?”

“No thanks. I only have a few minutes…I’m on my way out of town. Dixie is working and asked me to check in on you on my way out of town…and to give you this.”  
Handing the paramedic a small box that had been gift wrapped in shiny silver and gold paper, with a matching bow on top, Dr. Morton waited for Johnny’s reaction to it.

“What’s this for?”

“Come on Gage…even YOU are smart enough to know that it’s exactly what it seems to be…a Christmas present…from Dixie.”

Nodding his head, Johnny took the offered gift, and placed it on the kitchen table.  
“I appreciate the visit, Doc…and the concern…and the greetings and gift from Dix…but if there’s nothing else…I have things to do, and I know you want to be on your way.”

For his part, Dr. Morton didn’t press the issue any further.  
“Okay. I guess I can take a hint. If nothing else…I hope you manage to have a SAFE holiday. I’ll see myself out.”

Watching Morton leave the apartment, Johnny felt like throwing something. No one else seemed to get it…he just wanted to be left alone.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
After driving around for an hour, Roy ended up at the beach. He was not necessarily the beach bum type, but in this situation he needed to go someplace that he could clear his mind a bit, and let things go…including the depressing thoughts of his partner suffering through the torture of the holiday season.

As he got out of his car, he was met by the sound of someone calling his name.  
“Roy...”

Looking up, Roy spotted none other than Bob Bellingham.  
Not wanting to be rude, Roy walked over to the other man, and shook his hand.  
“Hey there, Bob. What brings you here?”

“Fresh air…and a great escape,” Bob replied with a grin. “In exactly five hours I’ll be in a house full of some extremely crazy people…also known as my family. My partner doesn’t even come close to these people.”

“Craig…Craig Brice? You would rather spend time with Brice than with your family?”

Pretending to think thoughtfully, Bob smiled and shrugged his shoulders.  
“I know…weird, isn’t it? Speaking of partners…I saw Johnny this morning at a liquor store. He seemed pretty distracted…not to mention upset. When I asked him about his plans he said that he didn’t have any…that he was flying solo, as he had so aptly put it. What’s going on with him?”

“He’s going through some personal stuff…mainly some deaths in his family.”

“Gee, that’s rough. If I had known…”

“That’s okay, Bob…truthfully, it wouldn’t have made any difference.”

“How about you, Roy? What is a solid family man like you doing out here at the beach on Christmas Eve, when you have your family at home…or so I presume?”

Sighing softly, Roy almost didn’t want to answer the question.  
“Johnny,” Roy answered softly.

“Johnny?” Bob repeated, confused.

“To get away from thinking of him. Right now he’s all I can think about. My wife is worried about him…I’M worried about him…if I don’t at least try to focus on something or someone else I’m going to become as depressed as HE is. And I don’t really want to ruin the holiday for my family…so I got away for a while.”

“And here I am bringing him up again.”

“It’s fine, Bob…you had no idea. I’m going to take a walk…you have a wonderful holiday.”

“Yeah, you too. Hey…if you do see Johnny…tell him ‘sorry’ for me, okay?”

Roy smiled and nodded his head. “I will.”

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
Johnny continued to sit at the kitchen table for a few more moments staring at the small package that Morton had just given him, on behalf of Dixie. He was certainly in no mood to open it up, so he didn’t. Leaving the gift on the table, he walked back over to the couch, and took several long swigs from one of his bottles of vodka, before replacing the bottle on the end table.

Pulling off his shoes Johnny casually tossed them across the room, and leaned his head back. Closing his eyes he started to really listen to the holiday music that wafted in from a distant apartment. If he focused hard enough he was able to imagine being a part of past Christmases with his family. 

Being gathered around the fireplace at the main house on his parents’ ranch in Montana, sipping hot cocoa with his parents, and talking about a million subjects ranging from Johnny’s job, to the horses on the ranch, was one of his favorite highlights. They would talk for hours, reminiscing about past holidays, as well as their hopes for the coming new year. His father would grill the most amazing thick steaks, and his mother would make incredible pies and cookies. Neighbors would come by and they would have an impromptu sing-along, singing not only Christmas songs, but everyone’s favorites, even if they weren’t holiday related. There would be the obligatory snowball fights, as well as snowman building, and sleigh rides.

The memories were so vivid in Johnny’s mind that he was able to smell his mother’s freshly baked apple pie, as well as the wood burning in the big brick fireplace. He was able to hear his mother’s soft laugh, as well as his father’s more hearty one. With those memories firmly implanted in his mind, Johnny drifted off to sleep…from a mixture of being overly tired, as well as the effects of the alcohol.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
After taking a walk on the beach, Roy was able to clear his mind a bit. Though he was still concerned about Johnny and his emotional state, he was feeling better about his own state of mind. Roy knew that no matter how much you cared about someone, it wasn’t always possible to help make things all better for them…some things they had to do for themselves. He was however, convinced that Johnny was about to turn the corner as far as his mindset was concerned.

Returning to his car, Roy wasn’t quite sure where to go. He wasn’t ready to return home just yet. A part of him wanted to stop by Johnny’s apartment and see how he was doing, but if he had done that, the whole purpose of leaving the house to clear HIS mind, would have been defeated. As he was about to get inside his car, he heard someone call out his name.

“Roy…”

Looking up, he was surprised to see Johnny’s friend Murphy Greenbush standing there.  
“Murphy, what are you doing here?” 

Letting out a small laugh, Murphy shrugged his shoulders. “I could ask you the same question.”

“Came here to escape thinking about Johnny.”

“Did it work?” Murphy asked curiously.

“Not entirely. I ended up running into another paramedic…Bob Bellingham. He told me that he had run into Johnny at a liquor store this morning. Hearing that kind of made me feel worse. But…after taking a long walk, I have come to the conclusion that no matter how much we want to, we cannot fix things for people. Johnny’s going to have to do that for himself. How about you, Murph…what brings you here?”

“Me? I always come here after I get off shift. It helps to chase away the bad memories, you know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I gather you worked some overtime?”

“Yep. Someone needed the last shift off…I was only too happy to do it. It got me the day after Christmas off.”

“Guess it all worked out then. What are your plans for tomorrow?”

“I’ll be spending the day at my brother Danny’s house. His wife and kids…and the in-laws….they’ll all be there. It should be fun, but like you…my thoughts will never be far from Johnny. Maybe with some luck, he’ll change his mind and agree to someone’s invitation.”

“Maybe,” Roy replied softly, doubting that scenario.

“Well, I better let you go, Roy. I’m sure Joanne is waiting for you.”

“She knows where I am. My spending time away from the family was her idea. Right now she’s probably elbow deep in cookie dough.” Sighing loudly, Roy rolled his head around to stretch his neck. “You have a good holiday, Murph…thanks for looking out for Johnny.”

Grinning, Murphy shook Roy’s hand. “That’s what friend’s do, right? You be safe, Roy.”

Watching as Murphy walked away, Roy got in his car. He decided that it would probably be best if he had just returned home.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
“Johnny…wake up…”

Opening his eyes at the sound of someone calling his name, Johnny looked around the room in confusion. The voice he had heard was that of his mother’s. He had wanted it to be real, but it had been just a dream.

Sitting up, he exhaled loudly and rubbed his tired eyes. Looking at his watch, he noted the time.  
“Two o’clock,” he said out loud.

Getting up, he reached for the bottle of vodka and took another couple of swigs from the bottle, before returning it to the end table beside his couch. Continuing on to the kitchen he stood for a few moments staring at the small package that he had left on the table, the gift from Dixie.

Rubbing the side of his face with his left hand, Johnny sighed loudly. Sitting down at the table, he reached for the small box and started to unwrap it. Taking off the lid he reached into the box. Picking the item up, he held it so he could get a good look at what it was. And what it was, was a beautiful crystal angel on a silver key chain. Continuing to hold it up, Johnny took a long look at it before putting it down on the table, and noticing that there was a paper in the box.

Reaching into the box for the folded paper, Johnny sighed softly as he unfolded and read it.  
“Johnny, I know this has been a difficult time for you, but I want you to remember that you are not alone. Besides the fact that you have so many people who care about you, you also have your parents and aunt up in Heaven watching over you. This angel is a symbol of that. Remember that they are with you, and will always continue to be so. It is my wish for you during this Christmas holiday that you are somehow able to find peace, and that your burden will be eased. Take care of yourself. Always, Dixie.”

As a few tears found their way down Johnny’s cheek, he quickly wiped them away, almost embarrassed that he was unable to keep in his emotions. He was very touched by Dixie’s gesture, and especially of the beautiful note that she had written. He certainly hoped that his mother and father, and aunt were in fact all up in Heaven watching over him.

Replacing the beautiful key chain into the small box, Johnny pushed himself up from the table, and made his way back to the living room, and out to the balcony to get some fresh air. Overlooking the parking lot, he was able to see some of the people who were coming and going, carrying armfuls of packages and gifts. The more he watched them scurrying about, it made him think more about the family that he had no longer had.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
Returning home, Roy was greeted by the scent of freshly baking cookies, as well as his wife and two children, who had met him at the door.  
“Daddy…you’re back,” Jennifer said with a smile.

Bending down to give his daughter a kiss, Roy nodded his head. “Yep, I’m back.”

Observing her husband for a few moments, Joanne wondered if he was feeling better. She also wondered where he had gone, and whether or not he had stopped and spoken to Johnny.

“Did you stop to see Johnny? Is he coming over?” Chris asked hopefully.

Roy shook his head. “No, Chris. I didn’t see Johnny, but I already told you guys that he wouldn’t be over this weekend.”

Seeing the disappointment on his kids’ faces, Roy’s heart fell to the floor. It certainly hadn’t been his intention to put a damper on their mood.

“Maybe if you call him…he’ll come,” Chris continued.

“Look guys, I know it’s hard for you to hear that Johnny won’t be here for the holiday, but there is nothing that I can do about it. He made it very clear on several occasions that he had no intention of going anywhere. Please drop it, okay?”

Hearing their father’s tone, Chris and Jennifer both knew that he meant business.

“Come to the kitchen, Roy. I made a fresh pot of coffee.”  
Nodding his head, Roy followed his wife into the kitchen, while Chris and Jennifer decided to go upstairs.

Pouring him a cup, Joanne handed it to him.  
“You don’t seem any better now, than you were when you left. What happened?”

Exhaling loudly, Roy shook his head. “I don’t know, Jo. I thought I had cleared my head a little bit, but then I ran into a couple people…Johnny’s friend Murphy Greenbush, and another paramedic. I guess talking to both of them for the few minutes I did, reinforced how I was feeling.”

“I’m sorry, Roy. Maybe…maybe you should call him…make sure he’s okay.”

“I can’t, Jo. I’ll say to you the same thing that I said to the kids…just drop it.”

“Maybe you’ll feel better in church tonight. My sister Ellen and her family will be meeting us at the church at seven o’clock.”

“Perhaps.” Giving his wife a kiss, Roy smiled tiredly. “I’m going to go downstairs to the den to watch some TV.”

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
Not sure what to do with himself, Johnny started pacing his apartment, stopping every once in a while to take a drink from the vodka bottle.

His aim for the weekend was to drink enough so that he felt nothing…nothing but the numbness of being drunk. Johnny wasn’t a particularly big drinker so he knew it wouldn’t take much for him to feel that way. Starting to feel tired from the effects of the alcohol, as well as the emotion of the time, he decided to sit down on the couch and watch TV. Before turning on the television, Johnny peered down at the large box that sat on the floor by his feet…the package that was sent from his parents. His heart was again in his throat.

Finally turning the TV on, Johnny flipped through the channels trying to find something to watch…the choices were few, and not very interesting. Settling on an episode of The Brady Bunch, it was the one where Mrs. Brady had come down with a case of laryngitis, when she was scheduled to sing solo in church on Christmas Day. The last thing Johnny remembered as he started to doze off was Carol Brady singing O Come All Ye Faithful.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
As the hours went by, seemingly slowly for Roy, he and his family got ready to go to church.

Sitting down on the living room couch, wearing one of her new dresses, Jennifer waited for the rest of her family to come downstairs. While waiting, she looked up at the angel atop the Christmas tree, and made a wish…a wish that Johnny would change his mind and join them for Christmas.

Upstairs Roy and Joanne were finishing up getting ready. Joanne was putting on her pearl earrings, while Roy was fussing with his tie.

Noticing her husband having some difficulties, Joanne came to his rescue.  
“You’d think being a firefighter, you would be able to tie a tie,” she said with a sweet smile.

“Never could. Besides, Johnny’s the expert with knots,” Roy replied dryly.

Finishing up with his tie, Joanne stood back and admired her husband.  
“You look very handsome, Roy. You should wear a suit more often.”

“Somehow, I don’t think wearing a suit at a three-alarm fire would be very…suitable.”

Observing her husband for a moment she wasn’t sure if he had realized that he had just made a joke. Seeing the slight twinkle in his blue eyes, she decided that he did.

“And that, Joanne…is something that Chet Kelly would have said. Let’s get the kids. Your sister and the gang will be waiting for us.”

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
Waking up from his rather long alcohol-induced nap, Johnny sat up on the couch and stretched his long arms. Peering up at the TV he noted what was on the TV…the ending of the movie It’s a Wonderful Life.

Watching James Stewart hugging his family, Johnny decided that he had enough. Turning off the television, he decided that a walk was just what he needed.   
Getting up, he picked up his shoes, and put them on. Going to the bathroom, he washed up, and unsure of where he would end up on his walk, he also combed his hair, wanting to look as put together as possible.

Grabbing his jacket from the couch, Johnny walked over to the kitchen table as he was putting it on. Looking at the small box on the table, he took out the crystal angel key chain, and put it in his jacket pocket. As he went out the door, he could hear laughter and happy music coming from some of his neighbor’s apartments.

He knew having had a bit of liquor during that day or at least much more than he would normally drink, that he was not going to be driving anywhere. He would never put himself in that position, knowing what the irresponsibility of drunk driving could do, as he had seen it on many occasions on the job.

Setting off for his walk, he looked up at the sky and noticed the stars twinkling merrily in the spirit of the season. As he was walking he thought about his father, and about how he had taught Johnny all about the stars and the various constellations. He had suddenly felt a lightness in his heart that he hadn’t felt since the day he had received word about his parents’ tragic accident. It was at that point that he had found himself in the parking lot of the local church in his neighborhood, St. Anthony's. 

Despite the fact that Johnny was not much of a practitioner of any kind of organized religion, he didn’t have to be the Pope to know that St. Anthony was the patron state of lost items. Lost is exactly how he would describe himself over these last few weeks. Figuring what the heck, he decided to attend his first Catholic mass. Making his way into the mid-sized brick building, Johnny entered the church sanctuary and took a seat by the nearest exit. The room was filled with people dressed up in their holiday finest, and decorated quite festively with poinsettias.

“And now the choir will sing for us. I am told that they have been working extra hard, and sound wonderful,” introduced the priest.

The first song the choir sung was O Come All Ye Faithful. Listening to the words of the song, Johnny had never realized just how powerful that song really was. His spirits continued to be lifted.

As the song ended, a young woman in the pew a few rows in front of Johnny started to lean over and gasp. Seeing the sudden commotion, Johnny got up and made his way over to where she was sitting, his paramedic mode kicking in.

Noticing quickly that the woman was pregnant and appeared to be in labor, Johnny introduced himself.  
“Hey there. My name is John Gage. I’m a paramedic with the County Fire Department. You’re in labor?”

Between gasps of trying to catch her breath, the woman was able to grit out, “Yes…oh God…help me…”

“What’s your name?” Johnny asked, trying to glean as many details about the young woman as he could.

“It’s Mary….Mary…” interrupting her response was another rather big contraction.

“Okay, Mary…I want you to try to relax as best as you can…I’m going to help you.” 

When everyone realized what was going on, the service stopped.

The priest quickly came over to Johnny.  
“What can I do to help?” Father Matthew asked.

“I need a room or some place that I can take her…she’s going to deliver here at the church, Father. And I need someone to call the fire department…and an ambulance.”

Gathering Mary up in his arms, Johnny followed the priest to a small room.

Another woman was quickly at Johnny’s side.  
“My name is Candace. I’m a nurse. Can I help?” the young woman asked.

“You sure can,” Johnny replied, giving her instructions.

Once they were sure that the soon-to-be mother was settled and in position to deliver the baby, Johnny patted her arm.  
“Everything’s going to be just fine, Mary. Are you here alone, or is there someone we can have come in here to be by your side?”

Just then a young man practically burst into the small room.   
“Mary…I…I got here as soon as I could. I had no idea that you were in labor.”

Trying to smile for her husband, Mary tried to reassure him. “It just happened. This is my…my husband Joe.”

Remembering what they had learned in their Lamaze classes, Joe went by his wife’s head, and held her left hand, encouraging her to breath all the while.

Covering Mary with a blanket that someone had brought them, Johnny went ahead and examined her to see exactly how far along she was in her labor.  
“Shouldn’t be too long. Is this your first baby?”

“Yes. Mary wasn’t due until the beginning of January, though,” replied Joe.

“Babies come whenever they’re ready, Johnny answered with a smile.

Suddenly a large and extremely loud explosion was heard, followed by the screaming of lots of people.

Bursting into the room, a man called out. “There’s a huge fire in the church…you gotta get out of here.”

That was the last thing that Johnny wanted to hear. With a pregnant woman about to give birth, he didn’t need the added worry of a fire. For a quick instant Johnny thought back in time to a brush fire that their station was on, and he and Roy were delivering a baby while the fire raged just outside the walls of the woman’s house.

“Candace, you stay here. I’m going to check things out.”

“Don’t…don’t leave us here…” Mary started to panic.

Johnny flashed his trademark grin. “Relax…everything is going to be alright. I promised you that I would help you…and I will. Candace is going to stay with you.”

Going out to the vestibule, Johnny saw the crowd of people running out of the building, as well as the smoke becoming quite thick.

Approaching him in a very calm way, Father Matthew quickly updated Johnny on the situation.  
“There was some kind of big explosion that came from the other side of the church. The smoke is real bad.”

As the paramedics from Station 110 pulled up to the church, they were able to see some flames licking the walls of one end of the building, while thick smoke billowed out.

Wasting no time, the paramedics called for backup.  
“L.A., Squad 110. We have arrived on scene at 1456 Prescott Place. Please be advised that structure is on fire. Fire and smoke showing. Request additional engines and squads.”

“Ten-four, 110,” came the dispatcher’s response.

Knowing that they were there for a pregnant woman call, the paramedics got out their equipment, but also put on their air tanks, and had their breathing devices hanging to their chests, just in case things really were that bad.

Making their way through the crowd, the two paramedics were able to get into the church, and were directed to where the pregnant woman was.

Arriving in the room, they were surprised to see Johnny there.  
“Johnny…” called out Steve Parker.

“Hey…I have things under control here…check out the fire.”

The second paramedic, Dave Evans, nodded his head. “We called for backup…should be here any minute.”

Leaving their equipment with Johnny, the paramedics left to explore the fire situation, as well as help with evacuation along the way.

Giving Johnny a pleading look, Joe did his best to stay calm, and reassuring to his wife, but he was becoming increasingly worried.

Catching the other man’s look, Johnny smiled. “Everything is fine. Help is here, and the fire will be put out in no time. And…the two of you will be new parents in a few minutes.”

Looking up at Johnny, Candace had such admiration for him. In the face of such a crisis he was able to remain so calm. Not having heard him introduce himself to Mary, in the first place, she wasn’t aware of what he did for a living, and therefore didn’t realize that he had been trained for these types of situations.

“Looking good, Mary. A few more contractions and you’ll be ready to push.”

Opening the door of the room, Captain Tyler from Station 110 peeked in.  
“How are we doing here, Gage?” the captain asked, briefed very quickly by one of his paramedics whom he had met in the way inside the church.

“Almost there, Cap. I have everything under control here. As soon as we deliver the baby, we’ll need a stretcher to get them out of here.”

“Will do.”  
Getting on his handy-talky, the captain gave out some instructions to other crews, and left the room.

It was only about five minutes later that Mary and Joe’s baby had made its appearance into the world.

Hearing the baby crying, Joe bent down and kissed his wife.

“It’s a boy,” Johnny proudly announced.

Wrapping the newborn baby in a small blanket that had been brought to the room, Johnny placed him on his mother’s chest.

“I have the perfect name for the baby…Gage…Gage Gifford,” Joe simply stated, not quite remembering what Johnny’s first name actually was.

The ambulance attendants entered the room, and Mary and Gage Gifford were transferred to the stretcher.

Johnny followed the stretcher outside to the ambulance.  
“I don’t know how to thank you for being there for my wife,” Joe said sincerely.

“I’m glad I was…and believe me, the two of you have no idea what a gift you gave me. Merry Christmas.”

Standing there watching as another paramedic hopped into the ambulance, Johnny felt at peace.

Looking over at the end of the building that was on fire, Johnny had a sense that things were under control, and that everything would in fact be okay.

“You did great in there. Are you a doctor?”

Turning around, he hadn’t realized that Candace was standing behind him.

“No…no, I’m not a doctor. I’m a paramedic. John Gage. You did great in there yourself.”

Smiling at Johnny, Candace finally understood how Johnny was able to stay so calm. “Thanks. I’m Candace Kane…and yeah, a heck of a name to throw on someone. A paramedic…that explains it then. I kind of wondered how you were able to maintain your composure so well.”

“It comes with the territory. If I may ask, where are you a nurse?”

“Harbor General…but I’ll be transferring to Rampart General Hospital in two weeks.”

Johnny couldn’t help but smile as he looked over at the young lady. Here he was standing beside this very pretty strawberry blonde, and she was about to take a job at Rampart, he could feel his luck changing.

“I’m not usually this forward, but here’s my number…please call me sometime.” Leaning in, Candace gave Johnny a peck on the cheek, before handing him a small piece of paper. “Merry Christmas.”

Walking away from him, Candace went in search of some friends that she had come to that evening’s mass with.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
After their church service was over, Joanne, Roy, and their kids said good night to Joanne’s sister and her family, and returned to their car to make their way back home.

Turning on the radio, there was a news report of a church fire.

“There have been no injuries reported, and the fire is under control at this time. As more details become available, additional reports will be made. And now back to the regularly scheduled program.”

Shutting off the radio, Roy became curious as to where this church fire was located.

“Imagine that…a church fire…on Christmas Eve,” commented Joanne sadly.

Roy nodded his head. “Yeah. At least the report was that no one was injured…or I guess not seriously anyway. Let’s go home, guys…big day ahead of us.”

When they pulled up to their house, they were surprised to see Johnny sitting on their front steps.

“Johnny’s here…Johnny’s here,” both kids squealed.

Getting out of their car, the four of them made their way up the front walk.

“Johnny…” called out Roy. “What are you doing here?”

Smiling at his partner, Johnny said only one thing. “It’s Christmas Eve.”

Nothing else was said. Roy had a sense that something had happened to help Johnny come to terms with his losses, and when his partner was ready to share with him what had happened, he would be there to listen…and what a story it would prove to be.

In the meantime Roy was just happy to have his best friend back. And Johnny was happy to be with family, even if they weren’t blood-related. It would prove to be a Christmas that Johnny would never forget.

The End


End file.
